FilteringCraig

I warmed up some coffee from this morning and I am ready to go until I get bored. Of course, I am really just looking forward to the three-point competition so I can see Boobie Gibson compete.

• First up “Shooting Stars” which I think is taking over for that 3-ball competition. I don’t know if anyone cares about this competition, which pairs an NBA star with a WNBA star and an old-timer to shoot from certain spots on the floor.
• Yawn, yawn, yawn.
• The only thing to say right now is how much I miss the Czar, Mike Fratello. I know he coached the most boring brand of basketball in the history of the NBA when he was in Cleveland, but he won without much talent. I shudder to think what he could do with LeBron and the also-rans that populate the Cleveland roster today.
• I don’t know anything about the Haier brand, but the song in their commercials is good. The performance of it is bad, but if you gave it to U2, or Aerosmith or even Chris Daughtry, I promise you it would be a hit.
• Holy shit! Was that a Damon Jones sighting? What the hell is he doing there? He begged to be in the 3-point contest last year and they said no. But there is Jones this year with his faux-hawk and a rouge velvet jacket. What a whacko.
• While I have downtime and because I have seen an Arby’s commercial, I am going to check and see if the rumor that I heard is true. I heard that Arby’s ships all their “meats” as liquids in bags. Everyone that I tell this rumor says it must be false, and yet, I have never gotten around to researching it. Yes, folks. This is what my wife married.
• Stupid Snopes made it too easy. Apparently, Arby’s meat is shipped in a “self-basting” solution which some employees might confuse as the meat itself. Snopes assures us all that the rumor is false. Oh well.
• OK, so while I was doing that, San Antonio won the shooting competition with David Robinson, Tim Duncan and a WNBA’er that I still don’t know. Thankfully that portion of the evening is over.
• The skills competition. This competition has been a joke over the last 10 years because the fundamentals have gotten so bad in the game. Don’t believe me? Remember that Darius Miles was a top draft pick in the period of decline that I speak of. If Darius hadn’t appeared with Scarlett Johansson in a movie, imagine how low on the totem pole of the universe he would dwell.
• J-Kidd is up in the competition and Reggie Miller went out on a limb to say that Kidd was trying out for a spot on the Mavericks. Kinda funny, really. Uh oh. J-Kidd couldn’t hit the three for the life of him. I don’t remember when Kidd turned into such a bad shooter.
• Is it me or does Jason Kidd’s young son already have a stache?
• Dwyane Wade is up next in the skills challenge. I think he just got the benefit of a foul call as he was going through the first skill.
• This just in, but I don’t think Dwyane Wade is healthy.
• This also just in, I don’t think Dwyane Wade’s parents can spell. I can’t tell you how much I hate typing his name.
• They just showed LeBron and he looks like he stole his coat from Inspector Gadget.
• OK, the skills competition is complete. We are getting through this garbage quickly. Very nice work by the NBA. They are doing a better job of pushing these events along. If I am rooting for everything to get moved along more quickly, someone tell me why I am watching at all.
• I love Charles Barkley, but he must ignore all the producers that are invariably screaming in his ear during broadcasts. He never saw a commercial break he couldn’t talk his way straight into.
• Finally, the moment that the homer in me has been waiting for. The three point competition. I am really hoping Boobie is on fire like he was last night. I don’t hold out too much hope, but I am rooting hard even though this doesn’t really matter.
• Did Jason Kapono just call it a “stiff field?” I don’t think that is what he meant at all.
• Rip Hamilton is up first and the question I had has finally been answered. No mask for the three point competition.
• Hamilton finishes with 14 because he stepped on the line a bunch. I don’t think I have ever seen them watch the line so closely before.
• Boobie is up now!
• Boobie passed Rip Hamilton at least with 17 points!
• I am such a homer.
• I know it is going to be a controversial point here, but I gotta say just playing New Orleans style music doesn’t do it for me. As a style, I don’t really gravitate to it all that much. It has to be really really loud and or jazzy for me to be interested. Too much of the stuff I hear is middle of the road. I generally don’t like any kind of music at mid tempos and mid volumes.
• So, not to get all geek here, but Dirk just tied Boobie at 17, but if the time left is the tie-breaker, I think Boobie had time left on the clock and Dirk had no time left. Again, this doesn’t matter, but I am rooting hard.
• Again with the Damon Jones stuff. Why in the world are they showing Damon Jones? Why is he there? He isn’t in the competition and he isn’t on the allstar team. I bet he had to buy a ticket.
• Kapono knocks down 20. He takes the lead, but Gibson moves onto the second round. For the record, Jason Kapono should still be a Cleveland Cavalier. He was left unprotected for Jeff McInnis among others when he was taken in the expansion draft.
• Boobie gets 17 in the second round. At least he is consistent. Hopefully he put up enough to hold off either Dirk or Kapono, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
• Dirk gets 14 and Boobie is looking good in the clubhouse!
• I know that this whole thing has taken a turn and there is nothing witty going on right now. Still, I am enjoying this. Plus, I can’t beat Barkley.
• Barkley and Kenny Anderson are using the word “tittie” and I don’t think that would be allowed on regular TV. I know it isn’t allowed on regular radio.
• Kapono caught fire and went for 25 to put Gibson’s dreams in the showers. Still, not a bad showing for Gibson and the Cavaliers.
• So the vote for the best year’s slam dunk competition is still going and last time I looked the year 2000 was beating 1984 and 1988 among others. This is a really bad way to tabulate the “best” because it is according to txt messages sent in by viewers and we all know that the average txt messager was born well after 1980, so 1984 and 1988 don’t stand a chance even though they were THE definitive slam dunk competitions. Vince Carter was amazing, but he didn’t have any competition.
• I don’t want to be mean, but I just don’t get Dr. John. I am sure some music snobs will tell me that I am “wrong” but dude can’t sing hardly at all. If that makes me a bad person, then I guess I am a bad person. Seriously, I love that song and I know where it is going, and I know where it can go, and he went places he shouldn’t with some of those notes.
• Magic Johnson doesn’t deserve a soliloquy in any way shape or form ever. Also it was awkward that they let Magic talk, but Dr. J didn’t have a microphone and was just talking to himself, basically.
• Does anyone remember when Gerald Green won last year and that was the only thing that the Celtics had to be excited about last season? What a difference a year makes as Green plays for the T-Wolves and the Celts have the best record in the east.
• OK, we have had some good dunks so far, but now Gerald Green has a cupcake on the rim and he is going to do something crazy with a lit candle.
• Gerald Green blew out the candle while dunking on an alley oop! 1000 points for creativity there.
• By the way, we all know that this whole day is really for the all-star players to do their impression of def comedy jam. Watching the reaction shots of all the NBA stars is by far the funniest part of the show.
• There is nothing to say about Dwight Howard. Simply amazing right now. He shouldn’t be able to jump that high with how tall he is. Wow. Dwight Howard finishes round one with TWO perfect scores.
• It’s over.  It’s over.  Dwight Howard wins in a landslide.  That’s it folks.  No more.  I am done.  I made it through the competition.  It was a good night.  Thanks for hanging with me.  I can’t listen to any more of the banter between Dr. J and Cheryl Miller.