FilteringCraig

I haven’t watched this season of American Idol, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it a little bit. With all the Sanjaya stuff going on right now in this current season of the show, everyone is talking about American Idol and it occurs to me that there is a total disconnect between the stated point of the show and the voting. I feel like if Americans are the jury in the American Idol court they need a strong foreman to remind them of what their purpose is for watching.

American Idol is meant to pick out a star. It is meant to pick out someone who can sing, put on flashy performances, and look good doing it. That’s right folks. All three. That way, the winner will have a career when the show is over. That means that America needs to pick someone who they would be willing to see in concert. They need to pick someone whose CD they would go purchase at the store. Anything short of doing that is pure and simple cruelty.

Last season Americans pushed Taylor Hicks all the way to the championship. Now he can’t even sell a million copies of his album. What a cruel, cruel joke you all played on him. He thought you were all telling him to make an album that you all would presumably buy. Tens of millions of people voted and told him, “You are the winner! Now go make that album!” as if they were pre-ordering the album to give him a shot at making a stellar music career.

Cue the chirping crickets.

Now, it seems that all you people ever really wanted to do was laugh at the young guy with the gray hair and the “Soul Patrol” as he danced cheesily into votes that never meant what he thought they meant. So, all those of you who have at least half a heart, go do the right thing and pick up that man’s awful debut album. You told him millions of times last year that you would and his current sales of around 650,000 mean that a lot of you are mean.

By the way, while you are at the store, see if you can dig up a copy of Ruben Studdard’s album because I think you forgot to pick that one up too.

I used to be a ginormous fan since the 8th grade. Then I lost touch when he hit his repetitive political kick during the previous election cycle.

Anyway, yesterday I was listening to Opie and Anthony and they were making fun of him because his fiancee Beth O had been on The View with Rosie O’Donnell and company. I zoned out and started thinking about all the projects that Howard has had over the years.

• The radio show - probably the biggest most important radio show in the 80’s and 90’s

• Private Parts Book - Wildly successful
• Miss America Book - Successful
• Private Parts Movie - Successful

All those were really good. Then he exhausted the opportunities to use his own biography as a project idea. While the radio show continued to do well, all the rest of his projects failed. I started to wonder what happened to all these.

• Howard Stern The High School Years Cartoon - This was in production, but never hit the air

• Son of the Beach - Mildly successful program on FX, but it doesn’t hold up with any of the acclaimed cable shows
• Remake of Porkies - Stern supposedly had this in development and nothing ever happened
• Remake of Rock and Roll High School - This also never happened after it was announced to be in production
• Robin Quivers Talk Show - I know that this wasn’t necessarily Howard, but it definitely speaks to him and who he surrounds himself with that this didn’t go anywhere

And this isn’t to take away from his radio career which has been great, and is still thriving at Sirius today, but what does it say about him that he hasn’t been able to get any projects done that didn’t involve his own biography?

Last night the Cavs lost to the Knicks in a very winnable game 93 to 97. Not that the Cavs can win every game, but this one against a team that was ten games under 0.500, was frustrating. The Cavs move to three games back of the division leading Detroit Pistons. LeBron and company had this one in their grasp, but they never took control of the game. When it came time to get one last stop as the Cavs trailed by one point with about thirty seconds left in the fourth quarter, Stephon Marbury shot a three-point prayer over Sasha Pavlovic that bounced around the rim for what seemed like 10 seconds before dropping in.

It was a lucky shot that needed a lot of rolls and bounces to go in, but that lucky shot at the end wasn’t where the game was lost. And sure, this game was the second night of consecutive road games that had the Cavs traveling from Indianapolis to New York. The problem is the way in which the Cavs lost the game and what it could mean for the Cavs’ readiness for the playoffs.

The Cavs got out-hustled all night long. They were outrebounded 48 to 35. The Knicks have huge injury problems that only got worse during the game. Jamal Crawford, David Lee and Quentin Richardson were out before game time, and Steve Francis went down to a sprained ankle during the first quarter. With all those injuries, the Cavs still didn’t have the defensive wherewithall to stop the few guys left to hurt them.

Marbury got his 16 points with the last three-pointer being especially dagger-like. They gave up 12 points to a diminutive Nate Robinson. Worst of all, they gave up 25 points to a bloated Eddy Curry. I know Eddy Curry has some skills and all, but when you have a trio of big men like Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Drew Gooden and Anderson Varejao, one might expect your team to be able to stop the likes of Eddy Curry. He isn’t exactly Shaq in his prime.

To add insult to injury, LeBron James took a beating that would make Chuck Finley cry. He was undercut on a drive to the basket. He was fouled hard on another near breakaway and finally was fouled in the lane that caused a scary moment where he basically landed on his back. The Knicks are thugs and they play an old-school style of basketball as directed by Isiah Thomas. They aren’t afraid to make the most of their fouls, especially when it could mean the difference in the game. The Cavs seemed afraid to fight back.

In the playoffs, a team needs to be ready for every game. They need to have intensity on both sides of the ball. They need to recognize the weaknesses of the other team to take advantage. Finally, they need to force the action, as opposed to reacting (poorly) when the other team imposes their will physically. The Cavs were outrebounded, let Eddy Curry force the action and allowed some role players to physically dominate their superstar by allowing all the hard fouls to LeBron James.

That, my friends, is why this game was a big deal. The loss is a loss. They happen. But to lose the way they did, without putting up a fight, and allowing themselves to be taken out of the game so physically is a poor harbinger of things to come in the playoffs.

The draft can be one of the weirdest, most harrowing times of the year for a football fan. This season for the Browns has been no different, thus far. During the regular season, it is really easy to get lost in the grinding 17 week season (including bye week) as the Browns jumped up and down with each win and loss. In the case of the Browns they ended up in some sub-crustean layer of the earth. As the final whistle blew, after watching the team sputter its way to 12 losses, everything seemed obvious.

It was obvious, first and foremost that the Browns need help all over the field. The two most glaring spots are the offensive line and the defensive backfield. So, easily enough, we have identified the two greatest positions of need for this Browns team.

The offensive line seemed old and broken down enough that both Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson became injury victims. While some people were upset with the play of Reuben Droughns, most accepted that the offensive line had been at least partially responsible for his declining statistics.

The Browns also had big problems at cornerback. McCutcheon was hurt and never returned. Baxter got hurt. Bodden was in and out with injuries. The cast of thousands that tried to replace them got burned up and down the field with regularity.

It is the same old story. These are the things that we talked about all season long. So, we need to address those two positions in the off-season. Everybody good with that? Good.

So, the Browns will definitely address those two positions, offensive line and cornerback in the draft?

Yes. Well, no. Well, maybe with picks other than the top pick. In fact now that we have forgotten all we had decided while watching the team last season, we should just start from the standpoint of drafting the most talented player, regardless of their position.

OK, I can buy that in some scenarios like maybe if there is an unbelievable player who stands head and shoulders above the rest.

And by the way, there is this one kid from Notre Dame named Brady Quinn who we think might end up being a franchise quarterback.

Yeah, that sounds like a great (screeeeeech!) wait, what?

Brady Quinn?

What in the hell did we just talk ourselves into? Didn’t everything seem clear only a few short months ago?

Back to reality.

Brady Quinn can not become a member of the Cleveland Browns. Let me explore this as a symptom of how we lose focus the further we get into combines and drafts. You can’t possibly make an argument for Brady Quinn with the number three pick in the draft, but that hasn’t stopped people from trying. The arguments in favor of Brady Quinn are astonishing. People have mentioned his coaching in college as if that should be some big incentive to draft a guy at number three in the NFL draft. Previous coaching is a nice-to-have attribute on top of some other extreme physical gifts, but this sounds like the kind of logic that should be used in trying to find a sleeper on the second day of the draft. To make these arguments at the top of day one is infuriating.

The key to finding the next Joe Montana or Tom Brady should be pretty apparent. Montana was drafted in the third round of the 1979 draft. Tom Brady was drafted in the sixth round in 2000. Let this be the lesson. You aren’t going to find these guys at the top of day 1. And Browns fans need to remember one simple lesson from their history. Tim Couch was selected over Donovan McNabb. I rest my case.

Back to the Browns. The bottom line is this. They stink. They need to improve. They can afford to miss out by not taking a guy and then he beats the odds to become a success. They can’t take the risk that one of these guys turns out to be a bust after he is holding up the orange and brown jersey on draft day. So, what does this mean to all the potential players? This, my friends is the definitive guide. No more hemming and hawing. Short of a car crash changing the health status of the players, this is the definitive strategy on each player mentioned in the running in the top five.

• Jamarcus Russell - If he magically falls to the Browns at number three, they have to take him. He is a physical anomaly at the position and has easily distanced himself from all the other QB’s in the draft. If you really want a QB and Russell isn’t available at number three, you better start doing your homework on picking up the next Tom Brady in the later rounds on day two.
• Adrian Peterson - Adrian Peterson could be the next LaDainian Tomlinson. There is a chance that he could be the next Courtney Brown. Durability questions? Take him off the list. Enough of being wishy washy and thinking too hard about it. There are questions. Remove him from the list. You can pick up some pretty talented backs later on in the draft. Just ask Terrell Davis.
• Joe Thomas - If Thomas is there, you have to take him. Not only is he the best offensive lineman in the draft, he happens to play the largest position of need on the entire history of any football team ever this side of QB. He is a surefire bet. He isn’t a guarantee, but nobody can argue with the bet. That being said, I would be surprised if he isn’t going to Detroit.
• Calvin Johnson - This is another guy that is surefire bet. If you end up with Johnson on your roster, that is great. Because it isn’t a position of need, this is where the Browns need to start thinking of trading the pick to get full value out of their draft position. If they can’t trade it, they take Johnson and start scheming ways to make Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow and Johnson the most dangerous offensive trio in the league.

That’s it. These are the answers. Remove Quinn and Peterson from the equation because there are questions. You can’t afford questions in the top five picks of the NFL draft. Even if you end up winning with a pick like Peterson, consider it like this. You are at a blackjack table and you just split tens and won both hands. Just because you won doesn’t mean it was a good idea.

Keep these things in mind and you will rest easier going into the draft. I am sleeping better already since writing all this down.

This is one of the weirdest most gruesome cases I have heard of in a long time. A 27-year old guy decided that he had to kill his ex, a 19-year old girl, because she started a new relationship.

What, neighbors at the Red Oak Place apartments wondered, was going on in the unit where 27-year-old Timothy Wayne Shepherd lived? What was he burning at all hours, for days at a time? The answer turned their stomachs.

I have a couple of questions.

1. Has this guy always gone by the name “Timothy Wayne Shepherd” or did they lengthen it to three names so it sounds more insidious like some other wacked out killers? John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald, John Wilkes Booth, Mark David Chapman, etc, etc.
2. Did this guy think that people wouldn’t notice him burning the hell out of something over the course of two days on a grill on his apartment patio?
3. What is the protocol for burning a human? Did this sicko sit there and watch it? Did he flip it to cook the carcass thoroughly and evenly?
4. I am sorry to sound crass here, but it just seems that you have to be a totally special kind of unhinged crazy to get this done. Think about it.
• You have to be able to kill someone
• You have to be capable of dismembering their body after you strangle them.
• Finally, you have to be willing to COOK THEM ON A BARBECUE.
5. Should a guy like this be able to plead insanity? I mean his actions are clearly crazy, but at the same time he carried out these activities in a rational fashion from the standpoint that he killed her and came up with a solution for disposing of the remains. That proves some kind of logical thinking, no matter how sadistic.

Just in case you are in need of a laugh. This eight second clip should probably be able to provide it.

According to this article, a lot more men are taking the last name of their wives. Some take the name in a traditional sense by moving their original surname to a middle name. Some are hyphenating, and a third option for some couples is to combine the names for a new original name that both people can take.

I have to say that I don’t understand this trend. I can understand a woman not wanting to take a name and change her identity. I understand why some traditionalist women (my wife included) wanted to take the name. What I don’t understand is a man wanting to take a new name. I wouldn’t be willing to do it.

So as not to be considered a complete and total hypocrite, I left the decision in our marriage solely up to Jen. I wasn’t pushing her to take my name if she didn’t want to take it. Obviously, that felt like the natural response to me and something of a concession that the tradition is sexist.

But changing my last name? Not a chance. Call me a chauvinist if you must, but I don’t get it.

This weekend when I was watching the Buckeyes almost blow it against Xavier in the NCAA tourney, there was a point in the game where I just put my headphones on and I couldn’t possibly listen to the CBS announcers any more.

“Xavier has been saying that they WANTED Ohio State and now they HAVE THEM.”

This was the climax of the story arc that was chosen for this particular game. Other storylines were based on geography.

Did you know that Ohio State coach Thad Matta used to be the coach at (Dun DUN DUNNNNN!) Xavier?

Did you know that not only was the game in Lexington Kentucky, but that Cincinnati (Xavier) is about 85 miles away and Columbus (Ohio State) is about 180 miles away?

Meanwhile (to finish the geographic triangle) did you know that Columbus is about 100 miles away from Cincinnati?

ENOUGH!

I thought this was supposed to be a basketball game. Who cares about all these story lines? It certainly isn’t the players playing. They might occasionally give lip service to these types of things in the days leading up to the event, but once that opening tip-off happens, do you really think it enters their minds? They are too busy trying to remember what to do on motion offense or helping zone defense.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand why CBS and other networks pump up storylines for their broadcasts. They don’t do it for people like me, because they know that I am going to watch the game regardless. They are trying to capture an audience that doesn’t naturally respond to the idea of watching sports. They want to grasp an audience that might be intrigued by a storyline that can be served through this lens of drama that they loosely place around the ups and downs of a normal basketball game.

That doesn’t mean that I need to sit there and listen to all the hystrionics that they are using to increase the level of suspense. I already have that level of suspense. Now you are just disgusting me. As a result, I can’t tell you anything that the announcers said during the last five minutes of regulation or the overtime period. I had my headphones on. Unfortuntalely for CBS I also can’t tell you anything about the commercials that were played during that time.

The answer is alternate audio. We need to have an option to listen to whatever broadcast team we choose. As anyone who has tried it knows, it is nearly impossible with the latencies in media streams to get your TV to line up with your radio. It will be good for sports. The fans will be happier. Sportscasters won’t carry the same weight that they once did, and I know this will bother a lot of purists, but I don’t care. Purists end up putting things on much taller pedestals than they ever truly stood on anyway.

In the short term, networks can even use it as a money-making opportunity by charging a small nominal fee. Trust me, if I am going to sit there for multiple hours watching my favorite team, it wouldn’t be a big deal for me to pony up a couple of dollars to listen to announcers that are speaking to me rather than some tertiary audience that doesn’t really care about the subject of basketball and the strategies in the game.

Who knows? In the long run, maybe this will end up being something like podcasting where every joe shmoe on the couch can do their own commentary and share it over the internet. If anyone wants to figure out a way to do this and steal the idea, just let me know so my friends and I can be beta testers. We think we are pretty entertaining.

In response to a tip that we recently received regarding the condition of Browns tight end Kellen Winslow following microfracture surgery on the knee that he initially injured when he made like Evel Knievel in May 2005, we’ve checked with a couple of our sources and we’ve determined that the powers that be in Cleveland are not counting on Winslow to be available for the 2007…

But there are also whispers that, in the wake of the procedure for creating scar tissue that will simulate knee cartilage, Winslow might never be able to play again.

If it comes to pass that Kellen Winslow has to call it a career due to his micro-fracture surgery to repair his knee, that would make three players within a calendar year who have their careers called into question on the Browns roster. To recap for those who don’t know, Gary Baxter is trying to come back from ligament tears in both knees. LeCharles Bentley will most likely miss another season with his bad patellar tendon. And now Winslow with micro-fracture surgery.

I hope Steve Heiden is feeling good right about now. I am especially happy to have him on the Browns roster.

And just when I was starting to feel good about the off-season acquisitions. . .

Now this is funny.