The Canadian Ballet

This weekend was the bachelor party of my good friend Chris D. It was in Montreal and there were 9 total attendees.

Friday night was about the drunkest I have been in years and years. We went to one club where the beers were 6 for 30 Canadian dollars in a bucket of ice. (As if they needed to be kept cool because they weren’t going to be consumed before reaching room temp.) We must have ordered 7 of these Canadian beer super-packs before figuring it was time to get something to eat. We stumbled around the corner, ate some pizza by the slice and headed back off to find another club. (Yes, I was off my diet this weekend.)

As we were on the way to the next club, my small bladder syndrome* started to kick in. My friend and I both realized that it was going to be some time before we got to a bathroom, so we did the despicable thing and dropped into an alley. It was then that I realized that I needed to be way more sober than I was. I decided that I was done drinking for the night, so at least I could help make sure that the bachelor, who was also my room mate at the hotel, would not only make it home safely, but wouldn’t have me cleaning up vomit in our hotel room.

The night ended sluggishly as everyone slowly came down from being plastered. We trudged back to the hotel at about 1:30 am, having started the party a little bit too early. Most of us passed out then. Some others decided to keep bar hopping, etc, but you will have to ask them about their stories.

Saturday morning, was the most hung over I have been since I can remember. I don’t drink a whole lot now, so hangovers are very few and far between. Maybe the last time that I can remember was in Vegas on my birthday and that was last February, around 7 months ago. I was up by about 10:00 am because I was so uncomfortable in bed. I got up, showered and decided to put some food, coffee and water in my stomach. I went down to the restaurant in the lobby of the hotel with what I am guessing was a totally sour face. There were two toddlers in the restaurant who stared at me for about an hour while I sat, drank coffee and ate my food alone, trying to get over the party from the night before.

Luckily for me, everyone else was just as sluggish on Saturday. We decided to pass on the casino for some texas hold’em in the hotel room. One guy brought his chip set, so we had a couple tourneys to pass the time until dinner. Dinner, more clubs, and a bad cab driver who dropped us off about 30 minutes from where we needed to be summarized Saturday night. We had to walk at least 30 minutes to get back in the vicinity of the hotel room.

We finished the night off at one more club, and went back to the hotel room at about 3:30 am. I had to leave for the airport around 7:00 am, so I set the alarm for 6:30. Chris D and I BS’d until about 4:30, so I was on about 2 hours of sleep when I got to the airport.

I got home at around 12:00 PM and got back to my house by 1:00. Did some chores and stuff, then made dinner. Ate at 6:00 PM and couldn’t keep my eyes open by 7:00. Out like a light.

I slept from around 7:00 PM until about 7:30 AM when I had to get up for work. Almost 12.5 hours of sleep straight. That might be a new world record for me.

Observations from the weekend:

• Montreal is straight debauchery. Lots of drinking and we got to witness the aftermath of one fistfight on the street outside a club, complete with cops and yelling dudes.
• How is it that we never went to Montreal when we were in college? The drinking age is 19, there is gambling and the girls have to pretend to like you when they are being paid.
• Do the parents of the girls who work in Montreal even acknowledge that they have children?
• Probably not.
• Even after going to “Gentleman’s Clubs,” the sight of Escorts arriving and leaving your hotel all weekend is totally creepy. Strippers acceptable. Escorts not.
• Flying isn’t always a bargain. This is probably the first time I have paid more than a couple hundred for a flight, and it was on one of those little planes, which is definitely less than exciting.
• How does a city this boisterous, social and fun not get out and support a baseball team? Is baseball just too boring to compete with all the other offerings or do the French hate baseball because it is American?
• Canadian radio bites because of the rules about playing Canadian musicians a percentage of the time. As much as I like Our Lady Peace, I can only listen to so much Anne Murray, Celine Dion, Alanis, Rush, Sum 41, and Nickelback. Blech.
• I miss talking sports with my friends from college. They are HUGE sports fans and are totally full of the same piss and vinegar that I am.

*It has come to my attention that my bladder is very small. I should have known when I was 13 because that was the age where I could remember places I had been because of what the bathrooms had been like at those various locations.

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