The Wiggles - Cultural Warriors
Being the Pop Culture guru that I am, I actually know who The Wiggles are. I don’t have any kids and I am not 5 years old so it really stands to reason that I shouldn’t know who they are. I am here to tell you they are the most dangerous thing to come out of Australia since the Gibb brothers founded the Bee Gees. More dangerous than Crocodile Dundee in New York. They are the nuclear bomb in the culture wars that rage silently around the world.
These four guys are threatening to create an entire generation of cheesy kids who will be receptive to all the horrible entertainment that comes out of Australia henceforth. The Wiggles are planting that seed in our children today.
With album titles like “Whoo hoo! Wiggly Gremlins!” and “Hoop-Dee-Doo It’s a Wiggly!” they are planning to pave the way for other forms of Australian “entertainment” to come rushing over our borders, not to mention our airwaves. But, this isn’t the first time that Australia has unleashed a scourge on our culture and I am quite positive it won’t be the last. They won’t rest until they take over altogether.
How else can you explain the aforementioned Bee Gees, Paul “Crocodile Dundee” Hogan, or Silverchair, Nicole Kidman (who incidentally doesn’t show her accent all that much all in order to trick us into liking her,) Russell Crowe, AC/DC, Luc Longley, Mel Gibson, INXS, Midnight Oil, Frente, and that evil jezebel Natalie Imbruglia. They can’t be explained as anything but attempts to take over the world.
And now with The Wiggles invading our kids’ hearts and minds, there might not be a way to stop these Australians in the future. It has already gotten so bad that I received a dirty look yesterday when I suggested to an American parent who was talking about the Wiggles, that “Michael Jackson was an original member but they kicked him out for obvious reasons.” Can you believe it has gotten so out of control that pedophilia jokes aren’t funny? Kiddy diddling? (I think I know funny, people. And that, my friends, is funny.)
Don’t think, for one second that the war is over. We must be vigilant. The Australians are smart and getting smarter all the time. Now they are in the process of breeding a super secret mega cultural weapon to weild against those of us who might not be prepared. Daniel Johns, lead singer of Silverchair, has married (gasp) Natalie Imbruglia in order to breed and create a veritable singing, acting cultural jihadist of the likes the world has never seen.
Just imagine the result. A soap acting, grunge rock playing, Kurt Cobain lookalike, who can do pop songs while overacting. And word has it that Peter Garrett of Midnight Oil and Angus Young of AC/DC are the godparents. Chilling to say the least.
And this my American friends will have you praying for the days of the Bee Gees, Russell Crowe, and Nicole Kidman using an American accent. You will pray for the soothing sounds of “Beds are Burning” and “Back in Black.” You will pray for bad shows on Animal Planet with Croc Hunter Steve Irwin.
But, I am telling you it starts with The Wiggles. So, let’s get the word out and stop them before they ruin everything. Only you can stop them by keeping them away from your children.
Thank you for listening. And may God bless the United States of America.
And to the Republic for which it stands.
And the home of the brave.
Comments
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Donna & I flipped past a Wiggles “preformance” recently and it was the gayest thing I have ever seen!
I deduced from a 2 minute Wiggles experience that being a child is sort of like always tripping on acid.
I came to this theory with this hypothesis: when you are on acid, Colors and repetitve sounds completely enthrall you, and you see nothing odd with talking animals, shrubbery, or trains. Consequently this is the same mindset of a child enjoying the Wiggles, Barney,The Teletubbies etc etc.
coming from an american parent w/kids who watch the wiggles,it basically comes down to this: you must pick the lesser member of the axis of evil. no, not iraq, iran & north korea. i’m talking about the real evil power brokers: barney, teletubbies & the wiggles. i am much more inclined to deal w/the wiggles & shun the other two. currently, our embargo of the purple monster & the drooling 4 walking crayolas has been successful.
and make no mistake deezo, you will soon be faced w/the same challenge. and don’t think you can block all 3 from the house. if you try, they will just watch it somewhere else. even worse, lesser evils such as elmo, blues clues & dora the explorer will seep into your household.
you must be ever vigilant, but not just against the australians!!
besides, natalie imbruglia(yes, i had to look back at the post to spell it) is smokin!!
The one thing I notice is the fact that Shaq seems a little uncomfortable like at any moment he may snap and start killing the Wiggles with huge right hooks to the face.
the teletubbies are trippy
natalie imbruglia (no i didn’t have to look up the spelling) is way hot. so was nicole kidman before all the bad cheek implants and botox injections. there are a plethora of smokin broads from australia, so i say we keep them around for the time being. and yes, being a kid is like tripping. hard. i was playing with my goddaughter while stoned and realized that playing with kids stoned is awesome. i also sat through an entire DVD of dora the explora’ minora for shora - and kind of enjoyed it. drugs? sure, but who cares? the wiggles are just as bad as any other passing kid craze… we had the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Talking animals all over the place, and a bunch of robots that were weaker than mutant turtles. we loved it. so who’s to say that these albeit very heterosexually challenged looking indivuduals are any worse for our kids than the TMNT were for us?
Kiddicus, the part were you said you were around children while stoned did not bother me at all, but when you said the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were just as goofy as the Wiggles, that really offended me. I beg you to think before you post my friend, some of us still enjoy the hijinx of Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael, as well as their genetically mutated leader Splinter the Rat.
deezo, the fact that you could just rattle off the tmnt names like that scares me.
The Wiggles were delicious.
I gotta go with Deezo on this one. TMNT were not the Wiggles. Oh, and I can do their names too. Did you know that Corey Feldman did the voice of Donatello in the movie?
who can’t name the turtles? c’mon people, they are a legend. much like the wiggles. I suppose that Dafeezo is right, and i had a lousy comparison with the wiggles and TMNT… but what about Mr. Rogers? Won’t you be my neighbor? Blue bird on my shoulder? c’mon man… that’s scary too.
By the way, Shredder was Hamato Yoshi. Call him Hamato Yoshi, Shredder was his bad-ass Foot clan nickname.
The Wiggles are just scary as all hell. What’s even scarier is when you, as a single non-parent sit down in front of something, say, a nice bowl of fruit salad, and all of a sudden, out of NOWHERE, the harmonious little ditty by the Wiggles about fruit salad being nummy-nummy gets into your head and STAYS THERE FOR 3 DAYS.
I still have the Michaelango bowl I got when I was a kid. My brother’s Raphael one cracked, but I found mine when I was digging around in the attic. Totally made my day.
And don’t forget about April and her super-sexy yellow jumpsuit.