1. provisional licenses given to those under 21. more than 4 tickets in 5 years, gone forever.

2. DUI test course with prorated BAC limits. Take a shot, blow into a breathalyzer, do some maneuverability… if you pass, take another shot, blow, drive again, so on and so forth until you fail the tests. this should accurately place all people on their own level of drunken driving. personally, i can function extremely well up until about .18 - then i’m gone. .08 is an insult and a disgrace.

3. Prorated speed tests, coinciding with the BAC limit test. If you can successfully maneuver your (insert make and model of vehicle here) at 105mph down mayfield road with a BAC of at least .18, you should be allowed to.

4. Age stipulations and mandatory retests. Since everyone knows that old people can’t drive and young people drive like assholes, retest everyone from the age of 16-25 every 2 years. Once you hit 25 you’re safe until 55, when you get retested every 4 years. at 70+, its back to every 2 years. Any person can request a retest if they find their BAC or speed limit to be under the preferred amount.

5. Size stipulations on vehicles. If you have a Chevy 3500 4×4 quad cab dualie with an 8′ bed and a oversize truck cap on it, you should have to maneuver that sumbitch through those freakin cones in order to be able to drive it. If you cannot pass the test in said vehicle, you are not allowed to purchase it. look into a cavalier/focus/lancer/civic.

6. post MINIMUM speeds for every road and ticket offenders unmercifully. about $1000 per offense, with penalties compounding for every additional offense.

7. install machine guns/oil slicks on my car only and give me full reign as “guy in charge of traffic order” i guarantee that a$$hole won’t be tailgating you when my .50 cal fully-automatic side mounted tire-level machine guns rip the undercarriage of his car a new exhaust-hole.

8. Last but not least, make police accountable for their own car. allow citizens to pull cops over and ticket them for unnecessary speed, running red lights because they don’t feel like waiting, or just otherwise being cops. also police dept’s should have to carry their own insurance, so we don’t have to cover their asses when they run into a law abiding citizen.

The part of the story I think you negelected to tell us was if the old woman was hot or not!