Craig’s Friday Five 7/16/2004
1. A lot of times you will hear people ask the question, “If you could have “insert-meal-here” with anyone dead or living, who would you eat with and why?” I am throwing that question out. Tell me what living person would you like to have cleaning your toilet after you had a nice raunchy Mexican meal and why?
Wow, so many good people to choose from! Anytime, this could certainly be Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. Not today though. Today, I think I will have Jennifer Lopez clean my toilet. Not only was she in MY news every single day this year, but it wasn’t for anything important. Nothing that could benefit me what so ever. Plus, it would be really cool to make some famous hot chick clean my toilet any day.
2. If you could be a movie character in any movie, which one would you choose and why?
I would be Jim Carrey in the Truman Show. The moment when he breaks through the end of the “earth” was about the coolest thing ever. I want to do that. And then I want to procure some high-powered weaponry to teach a lesson to those who thought it was all fun and games goofing on me to my own face for my entire lifetime.
3. If you could have a theme song that would play at any moment of your choosing, what would that theme song be and when would it play?
I would like “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins in the bar when I fail to get the girl (as if I have enough game to try and pick up chicks in a bar.) I think it would be hilarious to get turned down, look up toward the sky with my hands in the air, fists clenched and then hear “Take a look at me now.” Like an overly dramatic scene in a bad movie. Plus it would be so funny that I could probably pick up a lot of chicks with that move. Self deprecation rules.
4. If you could take one idea or invention in the history of the world and everyone would think it was yours, what idea or invention would you take and why?
Honestly, I think I would take the route which is going to make me very rich. I would go back in time and take the invention of the spreadsheet, which some guy ended up not copywriting. He just gave it away. He made no money on it at all I don’t think. Anyway, I would go back in time, take that and sell it to Bill Gates for (in Dr. Evil voice) 1 BILLION DOLLARS. Hmm?
5. Pink Floyd, The Who and others have spent time writing entire albums around themes. If you had to write a theme album about something, what would your album be about and why?
Funny that you should ask this question because I have recently had a highly pretentious idea for a song name, band name, album name or something. I am going to start writing around it soon and we will see what happens. For now, I will call it a theme album. It will be called “Between Clocks and Calendars.”
Just in case you didn’t know or you forgot or something, I am weird.
Comments
1. I think it would be funny if Mr. T cleaned my bathroom after I took a crime scene style splatter dump!!!
2. I would want to be Trent (Vince Vaughn) from the movie Swingers. He thinks just like I do, but he has the balls to say whats on his mind and not be nice and proper.
3. I would dig Europes “The Final Countdown” to come on every time I did something cool. Also the theme from The Natural when he breaks all those light would be awesome. so I am torn.
4. How pimp would it be to say you invented the Thong?
5. I would write an album about lactose intolerant midgets and call it
“soy for the tiny masses”
1) Let’s let everyone’s buddy Senator Rick Santorum clean up the blast site.
2) I’m going to go with Buckaroo Banzai. He’s a neurosurgeon/superhero/rockstar ferchrissake.
3) Jane Siberry’s “Very Large Hat.” I think the world needs to be sensitized to the dearth of large hats.
4) I don’t steal IP.
5) You mean like concept albums? I would write an album about the last typewriter on Earth which becomes an extremely precious commodity after the magnetic poles shift, screwing up all the computers. Rival gangs of scribes roam the earth on bicycles looking for ribbons and Wite-Out. I’m calling it This Confused Magnet Earth, and it will be released by my one man band, Snorlax.
Number five might be your greatest comment ever Chris.
Oddly enough number five might be deezo’s funniest comment ever.
1- Roger Clemens
2- Luke Skywalker. The whole busted hand thing kinda sucks, but you’ve got the force. You’re chillin’.
3- The end theme from The Incredible Hulk TV show. You know when Bruce Banner was walking away from whatever town he’d just destroyed, with his backpack over his shoulder and his thumb out for a ride? That would be my “Goodbye” music.
4- I would like to have invented the Internet. Then I could run for president!
5- If I were writing a concept album, it’d be about a future where wars are environmentally motivated. Finally fed up with American indifference to pollution and global warming, the rest of the world bands together and attacks the USA to put an end to our world-destroying ways. I’d call it Earthscape. And it’d be terrible.
Cool questions…
1) Santorum is a good vote for this one. But here I am going to go with the guy who broke into my house. He didn’t do any damage or anything, but it was uncool. If it has to be famous, it would be someone who embodied hate. But then again, a hot chick cleaning my toilet IS a good idea.
2) Indiana Jones. Just so people will run around calling me Dr. Jones.
3) This one is easy… I do this all day at work. The theme from Sanford and Son. Anytime anything happens anywhere in my little office, I blast the theme. I have a hot key for it.
4) Hmm, another tricky one for a friday… My favorite invention of all time is glass. But I think i would like to be able to say I invented DOS or some such thing. Although, wouldn’t it have been cool to be the guy who invented something really cool like the plow. “Hey dude, stop digging that trench and watch this shizzel.”
5) Hard one for me… probably a concept like “The Trial” by Kafka… oh damn, Pink Floyd already did that. Crap. Ok, the concept of being alone. Kinda the same. It would be by my alter-personality: Herbert Damschel. It would be called “Herbert”. Followed by a second double album called “One”.
Easy!
1. The CEO of SBC. Since my one-person boycott doesn’t seem to be having much effect, we need to get creative. His company is crap, so he should be quite comfortable in this new role.
2. Tish from Space Camp. She has a photographic memory, got 800s on her SATs, went into space, and can do wicked cool things with a long orange belt.
3. This one is a little more challenging. Probably “Hazy Shade of Winter” by the Bangles. It will play whenever my current employer screws me again, and I attack my job search with renewed vigor (read: every night after I get home from work).
4. Has anyone claimed champagne yet? I’d like to be the person who invented champagne. You drink champagne at every happy occasion (at least, I do), almost everyone likes it, and it improves the quality of life for all who partake in it.
5. Cheese. No reason, I just like cheese.
DittoHeston, you and Mister Crunchy would get along nicely. He did a parody of Welcome to the Jungle called “Welcome to the Cheese Course.” It was a combo singing/kazoo masterpiece.
The theme from Sanford and Son is a fine piece of music. It would be quality entrance music. Especially if after you show up to work, your frustrated son shows up. And then the white cop. And some other zany characters. Anyway, that was probably my second place answer. And Indiana Jones almost beat out Luke Skywalker for my answer to that one.
Nerds of a feather…
Um, Geek please. If you call me nerd again, I will take my 96 pound body and hurl it at you. HA.