FilteringCraig

Lovedrug, from near Canton Ohio is an up and coming band in the world, but they have been well known in and around Ohio for a long time. I only saw them for the first time a couple months ago, but I have been hearing about these guys for a long time. After seeing them at the Grog Shop opening up for Braid, I know why there is such a buzz.

This band hit the tiny Grog stage, made it their own and created soundscapes that would have been more fitting in a place 20 times the size of the club. A combination of lush guitars, keyboards, solid bass and creative drumming just jam away. And then Michael Shepard’s voice comes in. He is over the top. He is whispering desperately. He is exploring all aspects of his voice from hitting guttural notes to a lofty falsetto.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some good songs here to be sure, but Michael Shepard’s vocals make this band what they are.

I just received a copy of Lovedrug’s debut CD entitled, Pretend You’re Alive. I was a little more than curious to see if they could pull off, on CD, what I had seen them do so beautifully in a live setting. I will be honest when I say that the CD could never be as good as their live show. At the same time the CD is really good and I would be surprised if it isn’t very successful. Why? The songs are a diverse mix of grandiose pop/indie rock, which will have boys pumping fists and in the next moment have girls hugging themselves.

“Pretend You’re Alive” is a beautiful starting song that shows the band’s flow combined with their mysterious song structures. It sounds like something that would fit in the soundtrack to Edward Scissorhands or something. The best overall rock song on the album is “Rock N Roll” with its excellent chorus and hammering riff. But this song isn’t my favorite. “Down Towards the Ceiling” is the one song on the album which really impresses me. It starts off slowly and beautifully before the full band comes in. The vocals soar. The song takes you on a journey before bringing it back down to finish.

It is this song which, better than any others, captures the beauty and energy of their live show.

Visit Lovedrug at Lovedrugmusic.com or through their label’s website at themilitiagroup.com

I know I have made fun of softball a lot of times in the past on this website. I usually make fun because I really can’t stand those guys who take softball too seriously because they were unable to further their careers in baseball back in the day. As a result, they go out every friday with their bar-sponsored uniforms, unnecessary eye black and most of all ridiculous levels of testosterone-fueled intensity to ruin a fun game for everyone. You guys have heard this take before.

This is all a preface to the fact that I was playing softball last night in a coed league that is honestly nothing but fun. We only have maybe one person on our team who takes it too seriously. Anyway, this isn’t the point of the post.

I got on base last night and I was at first base. The next guy up hit a long drive that I wasn’t sure was going to get over the right fielder’s head. I am half way between first and second when it becomes apparent that it is in fact going to fly over the dude’s head. So I start booking. Booking like an out of shape 225 pound dude who isn’t going to be able to stop very easily.

I round second base.

I am running toward third and I am instructed to go home. I start taking my turn as the girl who is playing third base decides to cut right in front of me in front of the third base bag. The girl is about 5 foot 4 inches and petite. I am running full speed at 5 foot 11 inches and 225 pounds and there is about to be a nasty collision.

I do my best to side-step her, she ducks a bit, collision was avoided for the most part, but she blocked/tripped me. I am kind of going sideways now. Right foot hits the bag and I fall down. The runner behind me is coming to third, I have gotten up and I am now in between third and home and the umpire hasn’t said anything about the fact that I was hip checked at third base. Finally my guy gets back to second base and I make a mad dash for third and get in there before the tag. The ball beat me and the umpire calls it like it was a force play. I have my foot on the bag and I am sitting on the ground.

Now I am starting to react to the play. I am right in front of our bench and I say, “What the hell. She blocked my a$$!” My whole bench bursts out laughing. I am out. I am walking back and I think it is kind of funny until I feel that twinge in my ankle.

After a while I started feeling that sprained ankle feeling start to develop. After a night to get annoyed and swell ridiculously, it turns out I have a pretty sprained ankle. I can walk with a limp, but it sucks really badly. Now everything seems less funny. ALL OF IT. The fact that she cut in front of me and blocked me. The fact that I hurt myself because I tried not to kill her. The fact that I made a good play getting back to third and was still called out.

I am still not going to take softball too seriously, but to be quite honest, you shouldn’t wreck your car trying to avoid a squirrel in the road. Next time I am just going to plaster the third base person instead of hurtling my (over)weight in a different direction resulting in the spraining of my ankle. Beware coed softball leagues.

Please feel free to do these on your own sites, and leave a link in the comments. If you want to just throw it in the comments that is cool too. ROCK!

1. You are about to take the needle in the arm ending your life for all your crimes. You get to order your last meal. What is included in your last meal?

Lasagna. I would want three different types so that I can have three pieces of it. I want a meat lovers lasagna with beef, and Italian sausage. I want cheese lasagna with as many types of cheese as will fit in between those flat noodles. Finally, I want a veggie lasagna with broccoli. It can have as many other veggies as the cook wants to put in. All I require is broccoli. And maybe some red wine and a Caesar salad. That is about all I need. I would definitely have to loosen my belt for the execution.

2. You can do all the financial planning you want, but some expense will come up that you didn’t plan for and it sucks. What was your most recent unplanned expenditure?

I have two actually and frankly, they both sucked. A couple months ago my vacuum cleaner got so clogged with clippings from my relatively new carpet that I had to throw it away. I will never buy any product by Eureka again.

Yesterday, the plastic casing on my cell phone cracked. I had to buy a new phone and re-up my deal for another two years. On top of that, pretty much all the phones that were any good had built in cameras. I now have a camera phone. I don’t want a camera on my phone. I am sure I am paying for it. Cell phone companies are worse than the mafia.

3. If you could have any famous person “tragically” die in a freak bathroom related incident, who would it be and why?

I would definitely have Corey Feldman die on the toilet with a needle hanging off of his arm. I remember last year when John Ritter became the greatest actor in the history of acting with revisionist activities following his death. I would like to see what they come up with for the honorable Mr. Feldman.

The media would be talking about The Lost Boys, The Goonies and The Burbs as if they were Citizen Kane, Forrest Gump and Shawshank.

4. If you could be a fly on the wall in any room in the world at any time, which room would it be and why?

I know a lot of people will say the oval office or something related to politics, but I am going to have to go with one of my favorite band’s practice spaces. I am going to say, that I want to be in Death Cab’s practice space or maybe the room where Ben Gibbard writes songs. One of the two.

5. Finally, what is your favorite: number, color, and season of the year?

13, Blue and Autumn

I gave this quiz to some people I know. The best was score was 6. Look at the pictures and name the ten people, places, things, movies, etc. Probably limit yourself to about 20 seconds per photo.

Click here to take the quiz!

Record your score in the comments.

1. A lot of times you will hear people ask the question, “If you could have “insert-meal-here” with anyone dead or living, who would you eat with and why?” I am throwing that question out. Tell me what living person would you like to have cleaning your toilet after you had a nice raunchy Mexican meal and why?

Wow, so many good people to choose from! Anytime, this could certainly be Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. Not today though. Today, I think I will have Jennifer Lopez clean my toilet. Not only was she in MY news every single day this year, but it wasn’t for anything important. Nothing that could benefit me what so ever. Plus, it would be really cool to make some famous hot chick clean my toilet any day.

2. If you could be a movie character in any movie, which one would you choose and why?

I would be Jim Carrey in the Truman Show. The moment when he breaks through the end of the “earth” was about the coolest thing ever. I want to do that. And then I want to procure some high-powered weaponry to teach a lesson to those who thought it was all fun and games goofing on me to my own face for my entire lifetime.

3. If you could have a theme song that would play at any moment of your choosing, what would that theme song be and when would it play?

I would like “Against All Odds” by Phil Collins in the bar when I fail to get the girl (as if I have enough game to try and pick up chicks in a bar.) I think it would be hilarious to get turned down, look up toward the sky with my hands in the air, fists clenched and then hear “Take a look at me now.” Like an overly dramatic scene in a bad movie. Plus it would be so funny that I could probably pick up a lot of chicks with that move. Self deprecation rules.

4. If you could take one idea or invention in the history of the world and everyone would think it was yours, what idea or invention would you take and why?

Honestly, I think I would take the route which is going to make me very rich. I would go back in time and take the invention of the spreadsheet, which some guy ended up not copywriting. He just gave it away. He made no money on it at all I don’t think. Anyway, I would go back in time, take that and sell it to Bill Gates for (in Dr. Evil voice) 1 BILLION DOLLARS. Hmm?

5. Pink Floyd, The Who and others have spent time writing entire albums around themes. If you had to write a theme album about something, what would your album be about and why?

Funny that you should ask this question because I have recently had a highly pretentious idea for a song name, band name, album name or something. I am going to start writing around it soon and we will see what happens. For now, I will call it a theme album. It will be called “Between Clocks and Calendars.”

Just in case you didn’t know or you forgot or something, I am weird.

This post is in response to Mister Crunchy’s post about the failure of the gay bashing amendment. (my words not his)

Anyway, he says that he doesn’t understand how gay marriage can hurt the institution of marriage. I am not going to argue with any of his points because I happen to agree with him whole-heartedly that we don’t need to be discriminating against people, who are in love, with our government-granted relationship benefits. Again, I am going to repeat myself: I agree completely and totally.

The thing is that I do understand every bit of someone saying that gay marriage hurts the institution of marriage. It doesn’t change the benefits or reduce a heterosexual’s benefits under the law, but it does put heterosexuals in a less select group. Much like when African American’s were receiving rights in this country there were groups of people who didn’t understand those “uppity blacks who just need everything. Nothing is ever good enough!” People have this perception that equality is really someone trying to take something from them.

I heard this argument a couple weeks ago in a bar where we were discussing this. This guy was taking the route of “Life isn’t always fair. Not everyone is going to be equal ever.” These are hard things to argue with because frankly they are true a lot of the time. Then the person I was talking to stepped in the bear trap. He said, “Well the bottom line is that this is going to end up costing me money and when that is the case, I won’t support it.” Imagine those uppity gay folks costing him money!

Time for dirty debate tricks. It just so happened that this guy across from me was white and the other two gentlemen sitting with us were some friends of mine who are African American.

Craig: “Freeing the slaves cost us a sh*tload of money. Are you saying we shouldn’t have done that?”

Other White Guy: “Come on man, that is different.”

Craig: “Why because you can’t identify gay folks by sight?”

Now my other two friends are on board and it is a three on one basically saying that denying rights is never ok. I don’t think we convinced the guy of anything, but I do believe he has a wider understanding of the situation just from seeing another perspective.

Anyway, back to the point, these people who are against gay marriage and want to “protect the institution of marriage” have a point. I understand it completely. If we allow gays to marry it will harm the institution of marriage because that is the thing that lives in our minds, morals, churches and communities. It has been defined for so long in our lives, on television, in movies, in our courthouses, etc. etc. It does suck to not be in a select group anymore. It is human nature to want to be special… to want to have more rights than your neighbor.

It just so happens that the law can’t be used to protect ideas that exist in your mind, church and morals. So while I disagree with them completely, to say that I don’t understand it is not true. The institution of marriage isn’t in our laws. It is an ideal that exists in many minds that have seen Carol and Mike Brady, Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham, Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, on down the line. Even Paul Reiser and that shaggy dude from My Two Dads dated chicks.

It’s ok for them to be that way too. There is no law against it. It is a highly personal thing when it comes to our morals and thoughts.

The problem is that you can’t take those morals into the law when they discriminate against groups of people. In this case the law is frequently discriminating against gays. If you don’t like assault weapons and they are opposite your morals you can try to put a federal or state law into place. It will discriminate against high-powered gun owners. Not black high-powered gun owners. Not Gay high-powered gun owners. Just high-powered gun owners. You are discriminating against the actions and not the people.

BUT, when you propose an amendment like this you are discriminating against gay people. That is a characteristic of the person. It isn’t one of their hobbies or habits. It is WHO THEY ARE. You can’t discriminate against someone because of WHO THEY ARE in the law like that.

I do understand it though. People have concepts in their mind that they don’t want ripped away. I understand that completely and totally, but I don’t have to agree.

Carlos Boozer is an up and coming player in the NBA. He was drafted in the second round from Duke University. He dropped very low in the draft because he played center in college and frankly if he had tried to play center in the NBA he was going to be Vitaly Patapenko reincarnated. So the Cavs selected him in the second round with about as much fanfare as a Mike Fratello offensive scheme. As a low draft pick, Carlos Boozer didn’t make much money by NBA standards, meaning he was only in the top 5% of earners in this country instead of the top POINT 5%.

This upcoming season, the Cavaliers had an option to keep Carlos Boozer for $695,000 which is absurdly low for a player who has proven to be of Boozer’s caliber. The Cleveland general(ly bad) manager, Jim Paxson wanted to make Carlos Boozer happy by giving him a long-term deal. Here is where the problems begin.

Jim Paxson, allegedly, had a verbal agreement (very hard to prove in a court of law) with Carlos Boozer that would pay him $41 million over the next six years. The Cavs agreed to not pick up his option in lieu of Boozer signing the deal after a 14 day waiting period which is enforced by the NBA for no apparent reason. Paxson thought he could trust Carlos Boozer after showing him such a good faith offering and increasing his salary almost 10 times what he was going to make according to the option. Carlos Boozer went back on his word like a typical professional athlete and found a deal with the Utah Jazz for $68 million dollars over six years.

The Cavaliers made the MAXIMUM possible offer to Carlos Boozer according to league rules by offering him approximately $6.8 million per year. Their mistake was taking Carlos Boozer at his word and not putting him in handcuffs by picking up his option before renegotiating. Stupid move by Paxson? Yes. Honestly this is grounds for a firing, as if picking Trajan Langdon, DeSegana Diop, and Jeff Trepagnier in previous drafts wasn’t enough, but at the same time I feel a little badly for him. He was trying to do the right thing by making his player comfortable and showing him some respect and gratitude. Those emotions made him blind to what Boozer and his agent were about to do.

As for Carlos Boozer, this might be one of the most despicable things I have ever seen in Cleveland professional sports history. Art Modell takes away the Browns. Bernie Kosar is cut from the Browns. Jose Mesa blows a game against the Marlins. John Elway’s entire career. Now you, Carlos Boozer, are in the top ten.

I understand that $27 million dollars is no small amount of money. I know that it is every NBA player’s dream to get paid. I know Boozer has been VASTLY underpaid in the last two years, but it isn’t the Cavaliers fault that he dropped to the second round in the NBA draft. The Cavaliers gave him an opportunity to play and as a result he proved to be a good addition to any team, ripping down rebounds and scoring points at a higher clip than many of his counterparts in the first round in similar NBA drafts. Certainly more than any player the Cavs had selected in the first round other than Lebron James.

The Cavs and Jim Paxson realized this too. This is why they were multiplying his salary by 10 this season. If that isn’t going above and beyond the call of duty by a professional sports franchise, I don’t know what is. They could have given him the big proverbial middle finger and made him play for $695,000 this season. They stepped up and gave him what he wanted and he urinated in their overpriced Gund Arena beers this week.

I honestly think that the Cavs should get Boozer back, but not at that hefty price tag. It would be nice to think he would realize what an ass he is and sign the deal he agreed to originally. We all know that isn’t going to happen. Boozer is going to sign with the Jazz and the Cavaliers are going to be set back at least two to three years as a result of this.

Also, in the department of consolation prizes that make you cringe, the NBA will change their 14 day waiting period rules so “something like this never happens again.” For Cleveland, it will be far too effing late for it to matter in the slightest.

If you have never been to Cleveland, I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to it. Welcome to the last 25 years of my life.

Here is something I would like to propose to all my Democrat readers. In the name of finding common ground and understanding, which for whatever reason is important to me, I will give you ten reasons why George W. Bush should be voted out of office in the upcoming election. This is to say I, a Republican, will be critical of the man who supposedly represents me.

In return, I would like you to give me ten reasons why John Kerry should get voted into office. Here is the trick though. You may not relate any of your reasons for Kerry to hating GW Bush. I don’t want to hear reasons that are really “addition by subtraction” etc. Also, while admirable, things like Kerry’s Vietnam service don’t really interest me practically in the here and now unless you can relate it to some improvement going forward. Those facts are just fodder for mudslinging normally.

So, I will give you practical reasons why I think GW Bush belongs out not including 7 minutes in a classroom following 9/11, hanging chads, his communications skills or the alleged excessive vacation time. You give me practical reasons why Kerry should be in, unrelated to Bush.

Deal? Deal.

Ten Reasons Why I Think GW Bush Should be Out of Office:

(In no particular order…)

1. George W. Bush has limited stem cell research too strictly. I think we need some self-control and an analysis of morals, but it is my perception that he has brought it to a grinding halt.

2. Bush stood behind an amendment to the constitution defining marriage which was, in my opinion, the closest thing to hate legislation that we have seen in a long time against a group of people who only want their relationships to be on equal standing with heterosexuals in a legal sense. It is not too much to ask for amendments like these to not be on the President’s agenda.

3. While I believe in freedom of religion, I think it is a violation of my freedom of religion to have George W. Bush thinking about it quite so often as he is governing this nation. This ties in to the first two points above, but honestly, I consider it a risk, therefore it gets its own number.

4. The Iraqi war has had its ups and downs like any war, but I feel that the planning above and beyond kicking the Iraqi army’s ass was less than adequate. We did a good job of taking the country, but policing it thereafter into the next phases of the war seemed a little to disorganized.

5. The Patriot Act, while having a limited time period, seems to have been a tack-on bill that contained many of the FBI’s desires instead of just what they needed. As a result of the fear created by 9/11 it was relatively easy to pass and I think it violates our rights. I can’t totally blame Bush for this because it takes more than his signature to pass something, but I will put enough of the blame on him to make this a point.

6. I think the No Child Left Behind thing is good in its intention, but I don’t think it really attacks the issues at hand. The education system in this country is so inconsistent and honestly, I don’t think this high level bill does anything more than cost a lot of money.

7. Bush was also a little hasty in moving into the Iraq situation. I am not sure what he was doing, but it is one of my guesses that he only thought about our military power. We didn’t need a coalition to beat up on Iraq, but we did need it for diplomatic reasons. We have some serious image issues worldwide that we didn’t have post 9/11 until we took action in Iraq. Many of those should have been avoided with a different approach.

8. Bush’s policy of giving back taxes in the form of lump sum checks was pretty goofy. I feel like it was more of a PR move than anything that honestly jump-started the economy. This is considered an afterthought by many people now that the country seems to be recovering, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a bad idea.

9. The apparent discounting of Colin Powell throughout the last few years is more than disappointing. It seems, based on what I have read, that Colin Powell’s opinion has been ignored to a large extent. He looks, more than ever, like a PR move for Bush as Powell has been on record disagreeing with many of Bush’s decisions.

10. Bush’s original intent to not participate formally with the 9/11 commission based on national security reasons was poor. Although he ended up participating anyway, I was not happy that he originally was going to avoid it.

So there are ten practical reasons why I think Bush needs to go. See what you can give me on John Kerry’s practical benefits unrelated to GW Bush. You can write on your own blogs and link back here, or you can leave it in the comments. You can also tell me to go to hell, but that will only reaffirm my belief that we aren’t looking for enough common ground as Americans on this vast political landscape. That would make me sad.

Do you ever get that feeling that you haven’t relaxed in about a month? I have that feeling right now. I think it has a lot to do with the holiday weekend because I never stopped for a moment to catch my breath. It is translating into a lack of posts here on this site. Anyway, here are some things that have been going on in completely random fashion.

I have been playing with a band. That band includes the frequent contributor to the commentary; Kiddicus Maximus. Say hello to my bass player if you see him comment.

I have been playing a lot of solo gigs. I have a semi regular slot on a musician’s night that occurs every other week on Wednesday at Scalpers (dive) bar in Mayfield Heights Ohio.

I have written about 5 songs in the last month. I have really polished one with lyrics and vocal lines and everything else. The working title is “And this time” even though everything is pretty much done. I should do a rough version for y’all and put it up here.

I tried to watch the classic zombie movies, Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead, because I really liked 28 Days Later. (Thanks to Justin for helping me nail down the timeline of the movies.) While I understand 28 Days isn’t a real zombie movie, I was told I might appreciate the old school ones if I liked that. I didn’t like the old movies. They were just a little too campy, and although they might have once been a little freaky, maybe I am numb to that amateurish level of suspense and violence. How sad.

My new job is really good. I am heavily involved in a big learning curve, but I work with some really good people. Plus, we do trivia quizzes occasionally for fun. I know this makes me a dork, but I think that rocks.

Having a cat has been just about as little work as I expected. When I was in Detroit it was no big deal. When I was in Chautauqua she had no problems either.

Speaking of Chautauqua, I am happy to report that while I was there for the fourth of July, I didn’t see any major firework displays. Alright, so it wouldn’t have been that bad to see some, but only because we didn’t have to go to any great lengths to see them. I have decided that I don’t hate fireworks. I just hate trying to pile a billion people on the esplanade in Boston to try and see them through the trees, only to get caught in a veritable jam of people on the way back out.

I have also decided that I might be willing to give up some money for more vacation. I have 10 days presently, and that just can’t be spread all that far. I use some to create long weekends and the rest I save so that I can get from Christmas to New Years with a nice long break.

Finally, if your baseball team isn’t the best in the country, these are the longest sports days of the year as you sit and patiently await the NFL season.

I hate you guys, so very, very much.

This about describes the trip to Motown. Eff Eminem, Kid Rock, D12 and all those other people who claim Detroit is cool. It isn’t.

Todd and I arrived in Detroit at about 7 pm on Thursday. We checked into the hotel and went looking for some food. Things are still ok. We arrived at some Cajun restaurant which had a pretty crappy menu and a rude waiter who not only studied my ID like he should have studied for his SAT’s, but then went on to ask Todd what his zip code is and asked me what city I live in to verify we were using real ID’s.

Eff you. Bring me the Foster’s beer and stop being a d-bag.

Having noticed the crappy menu, I decided to grab some fake sushi. Thanks to Jen and Heather, I now know that I can eat sushi because they make it with Shiitake mushrooms as an alternative to fish. I am getting better at using chopsticks so that worked out quite nicely. I am starting to think things are looking up.

Todd and I finished our meals and grabbed a cab over to The Magic Stick, which is the name of the venue where Iron and Wine was playing last night. Iron and Wine, in case you don’t remember me mentioning them in the past are borderline folk music. It is quiet, subtle, and beautiful. It turns out that the Magic Stick is an effing pool hall.

I am getting ahead of myself. Todd and I arrived at 8:00 to find a line outside. We got in the line and assumed the doors would open soon. The ticket said the show would start at 8. We both knew a lot better than that and figured the doors would open at 8 or 8:15 and then the show would really start at 9, or maybe even 9:30.

The line is starting to grow. Ok, it has now turned the corner. It is 8:20 and Todd and I are starting to notice the neighborhood we are in. There are some folks sitting on the concrete curb that boxes in a tiny patch of grass in front of a National City Bank across the street. They are drinking and having a good time. There are huge car stereos rattling bass down the street. There are people driving by, seeing a line of people, saying the hell with creativity and yelling indiscernible nothingness at us and then laughing. It’s called a group of words? Put them together they form a sentence. I said people. That is plural. It must have happened five or six times.

There is a man who is on some kind of substance standing in the middle of a 6 lane city street waving at cars and apparently trying to direct traffic. This was by far one of the most strange and dangerous things I have ever seen. The dude didn’t look drunk because people this drunk just pass out. He then throws a glass bottle against the sidewalk near those people hanging out in front of National City Bank and it looks like some sort of a fight is going to break out. Two guys are hopping around like boxers in a ring. I guess I am more sheltered than I would like to think. I am terrified. I don’t like being around this at all. The one guy who was not in the street directing traffic scurries away and there is no fight to be seen.

We got there at 8:00 and it is now 9:15 and they are finally letting us into the club. We walk in, get some really horrible draft beer and find a place to sit until the show will start. The kids at the show find a stack of chairs and set them up on the floor in front of the stage. Those of us who are used to standing at rock shows are now pushed as far away from the stage as I have ever been at a small concert hall.

Kids are playing pool and yelling and clapping and being way too crazy for an Iron and Wine show. It is very soft and folky. He doesn’t play loud enough to drown your stupid asses out. Nor should he. You paid 12 bucks to get into the show and you are going to play pool? Whatever. I hate you.

The sound guy was mildly retarded and the soft folk singing and acoustic guitar playing was feeding back horribly for the first five songs. If you can’t mix an acoustic act, I feel really sorry for you. Even with all of these things working against him, Sam Beam (Iron and Wine) put on a really good show. He even did the cover of Such Great Heights by the Postal Service, but I was so hot, tired, annoyed and miserable that I don’t think I can say I totally appreciated it.

So, after all that driving, the money on the hotel and everything else, I would like to send out a big EFF YOU to Detroit Rock City. I hate you. Your city is terrifying. Your rock clubs are crappy. Your rock fans are rude and stupid. Your degenerate people in the streets are a serious danger. Did I mention I hate you? Oh and the Lions, Tigers, Pistons, and Red Wings suck too. Detroit is far worse than CLEVELAND. Take THAT! Your MOM Detroit. Your MOM!

Ok, I feel much better.