The 60,000 Dollar Pyramid

Don’t worry folks. I am still not stupid. I suspect many of you will think differently when I start telling this story about the “meeting” I had on Monday at a coffee shop near my house.

Last week, I had a phone call.

Me: Hello?
Person: Hi is this Filtering Craig?
Me: Maybe. Who is calling?
Person: My name is so and so and I am looking for the Craig who went to Boston University I got your name from the Alumni Website.
Me: This is he.
Person: I also went to Boston University and I run an internet business that is just starting. We need people to help us get it off of the ground and I was wondering if you would be interested in something like this.
Me: Who is “we?”
Person: My Husband and I. Would you be interested?
Me: Possibly. What is this business all about?

I don’t remember what she said after that. It was uninteresting, but what I gathered is that they were going to help me own my own franchise of some kind and that it had barely anything to do with the internet. She and her husband wanted to meet me for coffee to talk about it.

My brain process was like this.
Whoa! I can make money in my spare time!
Nobody can really do this, can they?
They haven’t told me what I have to do.
This sounds like a pyramid scheme.
I have never heard a pitch for a pyramid scheme.
I want to hear a pyramid scheme pitch.

I say to the lady on the phone: “I can own my own business? I can run it in my spare time? You are going to help me supplement my income in a serious way? When can we meet?”

I met with the lady and her husband on Monday evening. Turns out that these two folks were representing a new company called “Quixtar.” What I didn’t know while I was listening was that it has the same parent company as Amway. No worries though. I was still interested in hearing the pitch for a pyramid scheme.

It was really funny. They spent 15 minutes talking about ALL THE RIDICULOUS MONEY THAT I COULD MAKE. They asked me “What could you do with an additional $60,000 per year?” I gave them a dirty look and told them it was none of their business. After the fact, I wished I had said, “I could do a whole bunch of coke off of a hooker’s ass with that kind of money!” Then I would have given the thumbs up. You know what they say about hindsight though.

They kept going over contingency plans that included me signing up dozens of people. They never once told me what the hell the business is based on. Do I have to sell anything? Do I have to buy anything? Are there membership fees? Do I have to cut off my balls, buy Nikes, and drink Kool-Aid?

Finally after much prying, I find that they want me to buy all my groceries, drug store items and electronics, etc. through these catalogs. They need me to change my “buying practices.” Sign up other people to “change their buying practices too” and I can make a TON of money. It is really that simple! And if my aunt had a twig and two berries, she would be my uncle!

And no there are no membership fees, but there are annual meetings for “business owners” in lavish places like… MILWAUKEE. Oh yeah and a “ticket” to the weekend costs about $2000 including travel and hotel costs. Don’t worry about that though because we will help you get your business to the point that you make at least that much. I wish they had told me this year’s convention was in Waco Texas.

So we have a “business” that I am going to own as a franchise. It isn’t going to require selling anything. I merely have to change my buying habits. Then, as long as I sign up other people, I can start reaping rewards from their participation as well. Um, so let me get this straight. If I sign up and put myself at the top. I sign others up and put them below me. Then they put people below them? Boy that sure sounds like a pyramid structure.

Let’s think about this. I buy things that I normally would buy. I make my friends fellow zombies and somehow we all get rich? All the while we take “vacations” to places like Milwaukee and pay someone for seminars while we are there? Boy that doesn’t sound like it is really going to work all that well. I think I will take a pass.

What I found out is that in the “money you can make” section of the presentation, they presented savings from buying through their system as earnings, yet they told me that checking prices against companies like Best Buy, etc. wasn’t important. That wasn’t logical to me, but frankly the idea of owning a company that doesn’t sell anything seems illogical as well.

Maybe some other time I will go through the finances that were presented on the pamphlet. Anyway, I didn’t join, but frankly, I enjoyed hearing the pitch. Maybe all you guys who will eventually get a pyramid scheme pitched will be more prepared with the one-liners.

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