FilteringCraig

I came up with these 10 pop culture quiz questions for another purpose and some people took it. Only one out of 3 did very well. I believe that person got 6 or 7. These were all taken from my memory. Let me know how you did. Obviously this isn’t a research exercise, so we are on the honor system. If you want to lie, you can go right ahead, but I don’t see much purpose in that. I will post the answers in the comments.

1. Who was the writer responsible for the tug-at-your-heartstrings pilot for E.R.?

2. This child actor turned awkward adult was featured on celebrity boxing, where he kicked the crap out of an over-weight and out of shape Barry “Greg Brady” Williams.

3. What horrendous action movie was a remake of a classic TV show? The movie starred Matt LeBlanc, Heather Graham and William Hurt

4. Name the young guy from Northeastern University who turned the nation into pirates with his first software project entitled Napster.

5. This 3-d shooter video game revolutionized the first person perspective in video games with many levels hunting aliens and blowing their heads off with the BFG.

6. Richie Valens, Buddy Holly and this other music star were killed in a plane crash on what has come to be known as, “The Day the Music Died.”

7. Before hosting Survivor, he was the host of a lesser-known show on VH1 called Rock and Roll Jeopardy.

8. Name the brothers who are responsible for movies like There’s Something About Mary, Dumb and Dumber, Shallow Hal, and Me Myself and Irene.

9. What is the name of the less attractive female character in Scooby Doo? Hint. She has glasses.

10. This piano rock band set the world on fire in 2003 and Chris Martin, their lead singer set Gwenyth Paltrow on fire as she just had his child a couple months ago.

1. Please ask your blog a trivia question or brain teaser.

Brain Teaser - A family lives in a big house with both boys and girls. Each child must have at least 4 brothers and 4 sisters. What is the least number of children that the family can have? (Please give me a number answer in the comments. Don’t explain yourself and I will give the answer later in the day.)

2. How many times (estimate) have you seen fireworks in your life? Do you like them?

Boy I am glad that I asked this question. I have probably seen fireworks about 20-25 times in my life. I thought they were really cool for a long time. I am now old and jaded because I honestly don’t care that much anymore. The last couple of times that we made our way down to the Esplanade while I was still living in Boston were painful experiences. A serious cluster-eff of people made it nearly impossible to enjoy something that looks the same everywhere you see them. Bah! Fireworks are for little kids and stoners.

3. What is the one hobby that you really enjoy but you prefer that nobody would know about?

Um, duh. It is probably this website. I mean I love this site and I love writing all the time, but sometimes you will be talking to someone who knows about your site and someone who previously did not know about your site will walk up and they will give you THAT look. You know the one that assumes they are now looking at a ki**ie p**n collector because they do something more than read email on the internet? A lot of my friends get and enjoy coming to read my site, but a lot still think it just makes me weird.

Or maybe collecting pickled body parts in jars is the hobby I don’t want anyone to know about. Ok, either the website, or the pickled body parts.

4. What do you use to keep yourself organized on a daily basis?

I have tried a variety of things in the past, but now I have finally found the best solution. I have a simple, notebook sized daily planner that has a month at a time. It has plenty of room to write notes. It is better than the I-Paq I was using, and it beats the hell out of the big bulky planner that I tried for a while.

5. What is the longest period of time that you haven’t been on a computer in the last year?

When I went to Vegas earlier this year, I didn’t take a computer with me. I think that was about 4 days or so? Honestly, I think that was the longest I have been without computer access for a REALLY long time. This is one of the things that makes me a loser I guess. I figure that this computer has let me keep in touch with a lot more people than I ever would have been able to keep up with before, so it is ok.

I fully expected nothing but quality when I went to see Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. As it turns out, I couldn�t have been more wrong. This was an exercise in pure and utter ridiculousness, and frankly, I want my time and money back. I expected this movie to do for me what Backdraft did for firemen. I wanted it to paint dodgeball in the same glowing light that Top Gun showered pilots with. I wanted it to give every person a chance like those drillers, turned cosmonauts in Armageddon. All I got was mockery of one of the greatest competitive sports of our time, next to Rock-Paper-Scissors, competitive eating, badminton and lawn darts.

Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn were the “stars” of this “movie.” I personally have never seen a worse portrayal of characters ever. Stiller was amateurish in his portrayal of world-class gym owner, White Goodman and Vaughn looked like he didn’t even want to be there in his attempt to capture the character of Peter Le Fleur. What is with that character’s name anyway? Is this a movie about dodgeball, or some movie about failed hockey players? Stiller looked like he was pumped up on roids and his facial expressions were just a caricature. Mr. Stiller, it is called “acting.” You know that word that constantly preceded “like an idiot” while you were growing up? And Mr. Vaughn, it is a good thing that Cabin Boy was already made because you wouldn’t stand a chance in hell of getting a part in that relative masterpiece. Chris Elliott, Pauly Shore, Carrott Top and Brendan Frasier will one day spit on your grave.

There were many cameos that added absolutely nothing to the story. Lance Armstrong showed up for a moment, along with world-renowned paintball hawker, William Shatner. Shatner was apparently using the announcer from the All Valley tournament in Karate Kid as inspiration for his 3 seconds in this movie. I would have been happy if John Creese and the evil Cobra Kai gang headed by Johnny, had shown up to kick his ass after witnessing that performance. The only saving grace was television’s David Hasselhoff who proved yet again why he was so successful with Knight Rider, and Baywatch. His acting was pure brilliance. Unfortunately, given the final result, he is going to have to leave this off of his credit sheet.

While all of these things were bad, the thing that really bugged me about this movie were the dodgeball scenes. It was overly stupid every time a match would start when the referree would point to center court, knees bent and “dramatically” yell “DODGEBALL!” I didn’t believe it for a second. Anyone who has ever played dodgeball knows that the game starts with a blow of the whistle. I don’t know who wrote this “script” but they couldn’t have known any less about their topic.

This brings me to the dodgeball “action.” I thought Matt Damon was bad in The Legend of Bagger Vance at the portrayed sport when I saw his dying duck of a golf swing. Move over mister Vance. Every single throw, dive, catch and dodge looked fake. Vince Vaughn threw as well as my grandmother with her opposite hand. Stiller was so busy making goofy faces in his poorly conceived character to let the audience suspend disbelief for even a second and think he was actually playing this sport. Not only were these throws horrendous, but then when Kate Veatch, the character played by Stiller’s wife Christine Taylor, threw the ball underhand, people went flying? I don’t think so. She has never played dodgeball and it was painfully obvious.

Last but not least, we have the kicker. The other things were bad, and I could have overlooked them all if it hadn’t been for this last fact. Two teams started from two gyms and not only just began playing in a matter of days, but made it to the final match at the tournament? This is an insult to dodgeball playing people everywhere. Many have sacrificed over the years to get the sport to where it is today. Many a fat, uncoordinated student in gym class has paid the ultimate price so champions could shine and achieve their potential in the sport of attack and flee. And to take a bunch of upstart losers and make them not only competitive, but capable of getting to the final match? Just too much to take.

So at the end of the day, we are left with what? I have a list for you. Top Gun, Backdraft, The Mighty Ducks, and finally, Over the Top. All either great inspirational movies or great sports movies. (Over the Top was both.) These were the molds which I expected to be filled by a movie with the secondary title of “A True Underdog Story.” That isn’t what I got.

Maybe next time, they will give David Hasselhoff the substantial role he deserves.

Oh, and by the way, don’t bother to stay to the very very end of the credits because that little surprise sucked too.

I have always prided myself, to a certain extent, for being a bit of a dork. I am not going for the complete dork-dom of Dungeons and Dragons and Magic the Gathering. I don’t collect obscure videos of the Transformers and Go-Bots or anything like that. I do, however enjoy being a music elitest. I used to be THE GUY who understood computers. In fact I got a long distance phone call last week from a friend looking for my help installing a cable modem. One of my things was that I understood sports betting, casino games including craps and poker.

I saw Rounders right when it came out. My roommates and I would watch it in college, reciting the lines and talking theory when it came to the hands that unfolded in the climactic scenes. “This kid’s got alligator’s blood.” Everyone became “Mister Son of Bitch!” as if we were constantly and telepathically invoking Teddy KGB who was played so masterfully by John Malkovich. Anyway, I (and my friends) gained a sense of pride of being in a not-quite-dorky little club.

It appears that there are now a whole lot more people in the club now. Bill Simmons laments the same thing in his article. He is consistently the most entertaining guy on the net.

(On a side note, I would have thought that Bill Simmons’ constant references to the finest film of my lifetime, The Shawshank Redemption, might have given the proprietor of the Leading Brand enough incentive to crawl out of the cave he has created in response to over-eager recommenders and see this film. This helps guarantee he won’t, I guess. )

FINALLY, the Friday Five has come BACK to this weblog!

1. What’s your favorite song right now?

My favorite song this moment is “Broken” by Seether featuring Amy Lee of Evanescence. I think they wrote this song for me. It is emotional. It features a female singer. It has highs and lows in the volume and intensity. It is primarily a two-part harmony. The chorus never seems to end and it does that without being repetitive.

2. Are you going to see any of this summer’s Blockbuster movies? If not, what is your favorite summer blockbuster of the past?

I wanted to see The Day After Tomorrow but I don’t think I will make it before it leaves theaters. Although I don’t think it counts as a blockbuster, I am planning on seeing Dodge Ball: A True Underdog Story at some point. I think it might be because I am getting older, but the summer movies aren’t what they used to be. Independence Day was the peak of the mountain for summer blockbusters. It has been downhill ever since.

3. Instead of talking about present politics, please name the person who is not in politics (including news and media relating to politics) that you would like to put in the office of the President right now.

I would like to put Ryan Seacrest in office. Sure he is a complete weenie. In fact, I think the name “weenie” was invented solely for him. But, he has the powers to bring this country back together. He doesn’t offend and he is cheesy as all hell. It wouldn’t matter if he were banning abortion, raising taxes and invading Canada simultaneously. Could you get angry with that face? Didn’t think so. After four years… Seacrest OUT!

4. Eff, Marry, Kill. You have to eff one, marry one and kill one. For the ladies (or men), Justin Timberlake, Simon Cowell, and Howard Stern. For the men, Carmen Electra, Meg Ryan, and Elizabeth Shue.

This one is easy for me, but I imagine it will be tough.

I eff Meg Ryan.

I marry Elizabeth Shue

I kill Carmen Electra

I know it sounds weird killing Carmen in this case, but man I really love the girl next door more than the surgically enhanced goodness.

5. If you could be doing anything other than whatever it is you are doing now, what would it be?

I could write you a very long list in response to this question, but for now, I will say that I would want to be rocking on a stage somewhere. I have always thought about being a lead singer, but now that I am playing in a band singing backups and playing guitar, I am digging all the different possibilities with devoting more effort to slamming on the guitar. Anyway, that is still my dream.

Don’t worry folks. I am still not stupid. I suspect many of you will think differently when I start telling this story about the “meeting” I had on Monday at a coffee shop near my house.

Last week, I had a phone call.

Me: Hello?
Person: Hi is this Filtering Craig?
Me: Maybe. Who is calling?
Person: My name is so and so and I am looking for the Craig who went to Boston University I got your name from the Alumni Website.
Me: This is he.
Person: I also went to Boston University and I run an internet business that is just starting. We need people to help us get it off of the ground and I was wondering if you would be interested in something like this.
Me: Who is “we?”
Person: My Husband and I. Would you be interested?
Me: Possibly. What is this business all about?

I don’t remember what she said after that. It was uninteresting, but what I gathered is that they were going to help me own my own franchise of some kind and that it had barely anything to do with the internet. She and her husband wanted to meet me for coffee to talk about it.

My brain process was like this.
Whoa! I can make money in my spare time!
Nobody can really do this, can they?
They haven’t told me what I have to do.
This sounds like a pyramid scheme.
I have never heard a pitch for a pyramid scheme.
I want to hear a pyramid scheme pitch.

I say to the lady on the phone: “I can own my own business? I can run it in my spare time? You are going to help me supplement my income in a serious way? When can we meet?”

I met with the lady and her husband on Monday evening. Turns out that these two folks were representing a new company called “Quixtar.” What I didn’t know while I was listening was that it has the same parent company as Amway. No worries though. I was still interested in hearing the pitch for a pyramid scheme.

It was really funny. They spent 15 minutes talking about ALL THE RIDICULOUS MONEY THAT I COULD MAKE. They asked me “What could you do with an additional $60,000 per year?” I gave them a dirty look and told them it was none of their business. After the fact, I wished I had said, “I could do a whole bunch of coke off of a hooker’s ass with that kind of money!” Then I would have given the thumbs up. You know what they say about hindsight though.

They kept going over contingency plans that included me signing up dozens of people. They never once told me what the hell the business is based on. Do I have to sell anything? Do I have to buy anything? Are there membership fees? Do I have to cut off my balls, buy Nikes, and drink Kool-Aid?

Finally after much prying, I find that they want me to buy all my groceries, drug store items and electronics, etc. through these catalogs. They need me to change my “buying practices.” Sign up other people to “change their buying practices too” and I can make a TON of money. It is really that simple! And if my aunt had a twig and two berries, she would be my uncle!

And no there are no membership fees, but there are annual meetings for “business owners” in lavish places like… MILWAUKEE. Oh yeah and a “ticket” to the weekend costs about $2000 including travel and hotel costs. Don’t worry about that though because we will help you get your business to the point that you make at least that much. I wish they had told me this year’s convention was in Waco Texas.

So we have a “business” that I am going to own as a franchise. It isn’t going to require selling anything. I merely have to change my buying habits. Then, as long as I sign up other people, I can start reaping rewards from their participation as well. Um, so let me get this straight. If I sign up and put myself at the top. I sign others up and put them below me. Then they put people below them? Boy that sure sounds like a pyramid structure.

Let’s think about this. I buy things that I normally would buy. I make my friends fellow zombies and somehow we all get rich? All the while we take “vacations” to places like Milwaukee and pay someone for seminars while we are there? Boy that doesn’t sound like it is really going to work all that well. I think I will take a pass.

What I found out is that in the “money you can make” section of the presentation, they presented savings from buying through their system as earnings, yet they told me that checking prices against companies like Best Buy, etc. wasn’t important. That wasn’t logical to me, but frankly the idea of owning a company that doesn’t sell anything seems illogical as well.

Maybe some other time I will go through the finances that were presented on the pamphlet. Anyway, I didn’t join, but frankly, I enjoyed hearing the pitch. Maybe all you guys who will eventually get a pyramid scheme pitched will be more prepared with the one-liners.

BUT, I now have a cat. Someone found these strays and I have taken a female tabby. I don’t have a name for this kitten just yet. Help me out. Suggest a name. I figure it could get scary with the whole social stigma associated with cats, but as long as I keep it to a single cat and don’t end up with, say… SEVEN, it will all be ok.

I was seeing my friends’ band this weekend at the Symposium in Cleveland. They are something of a cross between Primus, Helmet and a hardcore band. The other bands on the bill were all hardcore. Heavy chunky guitars and lots of screaming. Anyway, the first band decided to make it political for a second and they introduced one of their songs like this.

“We would just like to dedicate this song to all the victims of 9/11. It is called (in hardcore, guttural screaming voice) WEEEE PLLLLEEEEDDGGGEEE REEEEEVEEENNNGE AHHHH”

I am not sure why he felt the need to scream “AAAHHHH” after the title of the song, or whether that is in the title of the song, but this guy sure was pissed off about something. I am sure anyone who wouldn’t have gone to a hardcore band before is just itching to get out there and hear someone blather idiocy in a screamed voice.

Stupid-assed Godsmack fans have started attacking me over the post I did about Godsmack beating up Story of the Year. They have accused me of being soft and not liking “heavy” music.

The day that Godsmack is considered a heavy band is the day that I quit doing anything with music whatsoever. They aren’t heavy. Sully has the worst singing voice in rock music. Their lyrics are intolerable. They aren’t heavy. They are derivative to the point of offensiveness. They stole their name from an Alice In Chains song off of the Dirt album. Did I mention that they aren’t heavy?

Bad Singing + Chunky Guitars + Horrible Lyrics = Godsmack

Eff them.

That is all.

I have written a very large article about why I think we are about to enter a rock period in the music industry. It has a lot of anecdotal evidence. Anyway, if you feel like checking it out, please head to RockDummy.com and check out the article.

Rock on!