Fun with Captions 2
“AHH! I can’t move my FACE!”
“What they don’t know is that I have a small child hidden in my pants. Pick that up with the metal detector!”
“Look at the dimple in my chin. It only cost me $37,000!”
“Really? You think when this is over I can sleep with boys?”
“These x-ray glasses let me see right through a toddler’s pants!”
Blog Post #345768
Anymore, I keep one of my headphones in when I am talking on the phone. It really makes talking on the phone much more acceptable.
That being said, it is very difficult to take a customer seriously when I am sitting there listening to them complain about something and then my completely random MP3 mix goes from hardcore band Mastodon, to “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger. Too funny.
“You’re motoring
What’s your price for flight
In finding mister right
You’ll be alright tonight”
Mineral – EndSerenading
Although this album was released in 1999, I think its importance necessitates this review. This was one of the albums that got me started listening to indie/emo etc. and I find it to be one of the defining albums of the genre. That being said, a lot of music fans don’t know about Mineral. Many fans have heard of The Gloria Record, which is the band that Chris Simpson and Jeremy Gomez formed after Mineral broke up, but they don’t know where those two got their chops. I can understand that fans would have had a tough time latching onto Mineral because they disappeared just as fast as they arrived on the scene. Mineral’s first album, the Power of Failing, came out in 1997, and their second and final album, EndSerenading was released posthumously in 1998.
The band broke up during the recording of EndSerenading. Chris Simpson was the lead singer of Mineral. Many fans blamed him and his ego for the breakup. “When we were writing the second Mineral record, we’d be working on ideas that were really different,” says Simpson. “Phrases would be thrown around like, ‘I just don’t think that’s Mineral.’ That’s when I realized that I wouldn’t be happy in the band in the long run.” Whatever the reason or who was to blame, the end result is an album that has shaped a lot of my musical tastes.
The first two tracks, “LoveLetterTypewriter” and “Palisade” are almost like one long song. The first starts out slowly with just guitar and vocals. “Summer, unfolded like a tapestry.” That is the beginning and as the final chord rings on track one, “Palisade” doesn’t stop to give it a second to breath taking over the melody into a bigger fuller electric track. This is when Mineral shows the emotional heights that were not only within the band’s capabilities, but nearly its calling card.
The album really is full of movements like a piece of classical music. I think it conforms structurally in the way that it opens the album soft and unassuming, presents rising action through the middle and then has a definite resolution. The opening is the first three songs. Then the rising action starts to set in with “Unfinished,” the fourth track on the album. I am not sure if the name of the song has anything to do with the breakup of the band, but this is a song that builds slowly into a tidal wave of emotion. It starts innocently enough with a calm guitar harmony, until the vocals come in. “I wish you could put your ear up to my heart and hear how much I love you.” Then the song rises to a fever pitch as the distorted guitars kick into overdrive. “I still dream of December, Dancing together with rings on our fingers. And the two shall become.” This is one of the pinnacle moments for the band. The guitars are gut wrenching. Simpson’s voice has a strength in its frailty, as if it could break at any second.
The heavier section of the album continues through the next three tracks. “ForIvadell” has guitar parts that just don’t seem to go together until they synch up for the chorus. “WakingToWinter” sounds a lot like some of the songs that would come later with The Gloria Record, except without any keyboards or layered sound construction. The end of this song is probably the closest this album gets to sounding like Mineral’s first album with the guitars blaring. “Aletter” probably has one of the better choruses on the album. “And I know that they will never shine, the way it did that day.”
The album finishes with a three-song resolution that also seems like a fitting goodbye. “SoundsLikeSunday” seems to loathe all the problems. “Time doesn’t always heal, it just breathes and swallows memories.” The end of the song is a harmony that would have sounded unbelievable onstage had the band ever toured the material. “How blessed we are, crying out, but we will laugh some day anyhow.” “&Serenading” continues the travel home. “When I was a boy I could hear, Symphonies in Seashells, So why am I so deaf by twenty-two, to the driving snow that drives me home to you.”
The resolution, the album and Mineral are completed as a band by “TheLastWordIsRejoice.” It seems like such a fitting close for the album. “How will I drink from that stream, how will my heart sing your praise, how will I lay down in green grass fields when my heart is so afraid to.”
There is almost a full chorus of moving parts singing the last word, which is, in fact, “Rejoice.”
(This article first appeared on RockDummy.com)
Gone too Far
This is ONE left winger who has taken hatred of the president and his war just a little bit too far. I am not making a blanket statement about the left here, as most people never get to this point. And… it made me really mad over at blogcritics.
I wrote about Pat Tillman who was killed in action in Afghanistan after joining the military after 9/11. Keep in mind I said nothing about the war. My post easily could have been written by anyone on either side of the political center.
In response to my Pat Tillman article, this was said:
- Craig, you post nonsense like the above and expect people to just go along with it? No way. There’s no avoiding the facts, i.e.:
*There is a paucity of evidence to prove Iraq has anything to do with 9/11. Instead, the evidence supports the view that Bush Jr. intended to invade Iraq from the get go as a continuation of Bush, Sr.’s policies and for the oil.
*There is plenty of evidence to establish that Bush, Cheney and their cronies will benefit from the invasion of Iraq, and related actions.
So, Tillman went off to kill people to forward the interests of Bush, Cheney and their cronies. His actions may have no impact on terrorism. Apparently, his jock’s GPA is not evidence of good reasoning skills.
I do find the part of the entry when his coach says Tillman sought out danger while in college telling. It suggests someone who wants to die.
I cringe for Arthur Ashe. Right Wingers have hijacked his name and are using it to imply he would approve of the invasion of Iraq, which I doubt he would have.
To think that a guy like Tillman was off-base joining the military after 9/11 seems ludicrous. He was really just trying to further the Bush agenda? I don’t think so. I find that comment not only wrong, but offensive. I feel like what Tillman did was patriotic and selfless no matter in which way people at the top ended up pushing him.
He joined because we were terrorized and he wanted to do his part to fight for our freedoms. That is nothing but patriotic and noble. I fail to see what the Bush agenda has to do with it, as he wasn’t in those meetings with Bush.
Clarett and the Supreme Court
Let me preface this by saying that Maurice Clarett and anyone else over the age of 18 should, by all legal rights, be allowed to enter the NFL draft. There is no legal reason why the NFL should be able to keep them out as far as I can tell. You can argue that these guys aren’t ready, but since when do they not have the right to try? Teams don’t have to draft them and they have the right to fail if that is the way it is going to turn out. I am not physically ready for the NFL, but I should be allowed to declare myself eligible anyway. If I don’t get drafted, then it all works out.
That being said, a lot of people don’t understand what happened with the Supreme Court today. Clarett’s agent submitted to the highest court to see about getting the lower court’s decision overturned. They didn’t submit to the court to review the legality of Clarett entering the NFL. The justices might actually think that Clarett et al should be allowed to compete for jobs in the NFL, but that wasn’t the question they were answering today. They were really making a statement that it was out of line for them not to let the lower courts take the case through its proper legal path.
The lower court made their decision and so did the Supreme court based on the fact that the NFL has said they will hold a supplemental draft if they end up losing the case. This is why the courts are not forcing the NFL to let the players in the draft today. I agree that a supplemental draft is not totally equal to a regular draft day for the players based on salaries and timing of getting into the NFL, but the case has to go through its proper appeals process.
The bottom line is that the NFL hasn’t won their case, and Clarett hasn’t lost the case. It is still in progress and the Supreme Court decided to let the lower courts fulfill their purpose rather than setting the precedent that they will just come in and overrule a case while it is in the various stages of the legal process. There is a proper way for cases to get to the Supreme Court and just because the timing of the case doesn’t work out in favor of Clarett doesn’t mean that they should overrule the lower court.
Eventually, I do think justice will prevail and whether these kids are ready to play in the NFL or not, they will be given an opportunity to either win a job or fail on their own physical and mental merits rather than their ages. It will only take one or two of these players’ failures to prove that college is the way to go, but the bottom line is that the NFL can’t use age discrimination as a way of keeping them out.
By the way, I am officially making myself eligible for the NFL draft. If any teams would like to take me, I will gladly sign for the league minimum. At this time I would also like to make myself eligible for the NBA draft as well. I can’t skate so I am skipping the NHL draft. Major League Baseball, I would like to let you know I have at least a 37 MPH fastball and a 27 MPH changeup. I await your email.
Clear Channel Charged With Crushing Competition
I would hope that this will go just as I expect it to. In my eyes it is indisputable that Clear Channel is not only a monopoly but a serious problem with the music industry today. The choice factor is greatly limited by the ownership rules that exist today and this is an obvious and forseeable manifestation in my eyes.
By the way, just so I am not bashing one company, I would say that it is also a problem with Infinity Broadcasting and other giant ownerships in the radio industry.
(From RollingStone.com)
- In a legal setback for the world’s largest concert promoter, Clear Channel Communications, a U.S. District Court judge granted a jury trial to a Denver competitor that accuses the company of “monopolistic and predatory practices.”
Judge Edward W. Nottingham’s 125-page ruling, which mentions Puddle of Mudd, Orgy and the Tattoo the Earth Tour (headlined by Slipknot), says the evidence suggests Clear Channel illegally reduced radio airplay for artists who booked concert tours with competing promoters.
“We feel pretty vindicated,” says Jesse Morreale, co-owner of Nobody in Particular Presents, which filed the lawsuit against the San Antonio, Texas, radio-and-concert conglomerate in August 2001.
Clear Channel’s chief legal officer, Andrew Levin, also responded positively to the ruling, noting that Nottingham threw out some of the most serious charges. He decided, for example, that Clear Channel did not have a monopoly on Denver’s rock-concert market, because it controlled less than seventy percent of the business. “A few remaining parts of the case will proceed to trial,” Levin says. “And we’re confident these allegations ultimately will be dismissed, as well.”
But evidence in court documents suggests that Clear Channel — which owns more than 1,200 radio stations — aimed to severely damage its Denver competitors and the artists who worked with them. The most dramatic details are found in e-mails from Michael O’Connor, director of programming for Clear Channel’s five FM stations in Denver. When the 2001 Styx/Bad Company tour selected House of Blues as its promoter, O’Connor instructed his radio underlings to “crush” HOB and avoid mentioning the concert on its classic-rock stations. O’Connor added, “Let’s get our fucksticks out.”
Testimony from managers at Roadrunner Records and Reprise also indicates that bands agreed to play Clear Channel venues because they feared losing airplay on Clear Channel stations if they signed with a competitor. Nobody in Particular, the Denver promoter, also accuses the company of paying artists sky-high tour salaries to kill competition.
If these claims are upheld — the trial starts August 2nd — other cases would likely follow, says John Solow, an antitrust expert and professor at the University of Iowa: “It would open the door to lots of people saying, ‘You did it to us, too!’”
Doug Kauffman, Nobody in Particular’s president and founder, says he just wants to do business as he did before Clear Channel had so much power. “We hope [the case] sets some precedent that would stop this kind of heavy-handed behavior and give us independent companies some relief,” he says. “So we can operate like we always have.”
Most Annoying Cell Phone User EVER
Ira Junge is the most annoying cell phone user ever. On a public bus in Chicago this weekend, she hassled a hotel front desk staff (and annoyed the hell out of the entire bus I was on) for about 20 minutes as she tried to take care of a billing problem with a hotel on a Saturday when the billing department was not open. She spoke at unreasonable volumes with an unbelievably nasty tone. I am sure whoever was on the listening end of her tyrannical bullshit would have enjoyed the slap across the face that I so easily could have delivered as one of many first-person receptacles of her annoying behavior.
Too bad there is no system where that poor hotel employee could have given me the long distance, digital equivalent, high sign indicating that it would be a good idea, NAY, MY DUTY to go to town on this inconsiderate wench with a verbal onslaught that would have had baby’s mothers covering their children’s ears, while simultaneously back-handing her in the grill.
Ok, so that might be taking it a bit too far. I will admit it. I wouldn’t really punish anyone that harshly for being the most annoying cell phone user ever. I just want to make it clear that Ira’s physical safety was never in jeopardy, nor will it be in the future. *** You might be wondering how it is that I know Ira’s name. The answer to this question is simple. While trying to get her bill taken care of, Ira must have said/spelled her name 8-10 times. Literally. No exaggeration.
“My name is Junge, J – U – N – G – E, first name, Ira.”
(Tortured person on phone at hotel tries to placate this idiot.)
“That’s right, my name is Junge, J – U – N – G – E, first name, IRA.”
Over and over.
Anyway, Ira if you somehow come to read this, I would expect that you are a bit outraged. Well think about that and then think about the number of people you torture every day as a part of your “need” to try and take care of business in public. Just because you CAN use a cell phone on a public bus doesn’t mean that you SHOULD. I am just reporting the facts and giving you my personal opinion, although I am sure I could have gotten a full consensus from the people who shared the bus with you this weekend. While I was walking the three blocks from the bus stop, there were five passengers from the bus who didn’t know each other who spent ten minutes talking about how inconsiderate you are.
Certainly with this reaction, it should be clear that you should not talk on your phone at such high volumes or at such a length. A call to a friend saying you are running late is no problem. Don’t try and solve your hotel billing problems over the phone when the billing department is closed on a Saturday.
Thank You.
*** At least not at my hands. I can only guarantee her personal safety as far as I am concerned. Someone else pounding on her wouldn’t really surprise me, so who am I to make that guarantee? Anyway, you get the idea.
Osama Wants a Truce?
Osama bin Laden will get no truce. We see him working, trying to put up a brick wall between the democratic nations of the world, and it isn’t going to work. A truce is for those who have been beaten into the ground and want to stop the killing of their people. In my mind it should be a concession of defeat. If it isn’t a concession, then it is an obvious threat. If you think for a second that bin Laden is conceding, you are on something funny. His “truce” is just a not-so tacit threat. “If you, European nations, leave the Middle East, we will not kill you.” He is basically saying, “If you don’t leave, you can expect a whole lot more of what happened in Madrid.”
The smugness of this suggestion is the result of a man who believes he is guided by a higher power and justified by his all-powerful deity. To think that a guy in a cave with a handi-cam, a walkie-talkie and a sock full of quarters can dictate to the world is kind of funny, but it doesn’t stop him from trying. An offer for truce, this is not. This is a declaration of continued war against all of his enemies, and what demands is he making? He wants European nations to abandon the Islamic regions of the world.
We can spend all day rehashing the horrible selling job that Bush did to put the United States in Iraq, but I think they had to send a warning shot to the more powerful nations in the Middle East region by taking on one of the regimes. And honestly, what country offered a better opportunity than Iraq? We have a history with them. Their army wasn’t the strongest, and Saddam is about the least sympathetic figure in modern politics. The message had to be sent, and bin Laden’s “truce offering” is exactly the reason why. We are trying to make it so there are no safe havens in the Middle East for monsters like bin Laden.
Anything less than an offensive maneuver in the Middle East after September 11, would have been a concession that Al Qaeda had defeated us with their suicide plane attacks. If we had just locked up the doors of the country, maybe we wouldn’t have some of the pain we have right now in the short term, but ultimately we would be giving terror organizations more time and opportunity to become more of a valid force in the world. Sure, if we weren’t in the Middle East, we wouldn’t be angering them today, but how long would it be before we did something that would make them angry? I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to tiptoe around because we are afraid of another plane attack.
Once the Iraq situation is over (hopefully sooner rather than later) do you think Middle Eastern governments are going to choose to help bin Laden? Say what you want about the unsubstantiated ties from Iraq to Al Qaeda, but it ultimately doesn’t matter for the message we needed to send to the Middle East. Frankly, neither do Weapons of Mass Destruction. I know a lot of you don’t agree with me, and some of you are disgusted with George W. Bush to the point that you can’t see past the deliverer of the message. I can’t stand the messenger either. All I am trying to do is push along the message.
Where is the next Evanescence?
I will admit it. The Evanescence record from last year intrigued me. I have always been into “heavier music” (whatever that means) and I have also been a big fan of female vocalists. Although I like to think of myself as an “indie” guy, it just doesn’t hold up 100% of the time. I love Natalie Merchant, Tori Amos, The Sundays, (gasp!) Sheryl Crow, Dido, Chrissie Hynde, as well as Pretty Girls Make Graves, The Postal Service and other indie groups that feature females on vocals. I know I just lost a huge amount of “scene points” for liking the Evanescence album, but as it turns out, I never had the right hair cut in the first place. In the second place, I am not insufferably skinny, so I am a double loser. Needless to say, I pretty much gave up trying to be a hipster a long time ago.
When the Evanescence record came out, I couldn’t help but buy it. Amy Lee has a very beautiful voice and I knew the music was a little on the heavier side. Seemed interesting enough, and I like the album. It has some well-crafted songs and it reaches highs and lows that are more than respectable. At the same time, the riffs get really tiring after a few listens and the lyrics are stale at best. Like other artists/groups in the past, their popularity is somewhat inexplicable. This usually means that the record company responsible for them got lucky. We all know what happens when a record company gets lucky. They start to copy each other.
Avril Lavigne hit it big with her debut album. Here comes Michelle Branch, Katy Rose, Fefe Dobson, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure some of this stuff was in the works before Avril struck a rock grrl nerve (whether it is real or not) but all of a sudden marketing dollars are pushing these artists in our faces in order to capitalize on the fans of the first one to break. Do you remember the “The Bands?” The Strokes, The Vines, The Datsuns, The White Stripes, The The The The The. It happened with boy bands too. Backstreet and N’Sync were big. Here comes O-Town, 98 Degrees and a top-five candidate for the worst musical thing ever, LFO. If you don’t remember LFO, you can buy their CD used on Amazon for 9 cents. That puts them at 18% of 50 Cent, but I think that still might be too high.
So where is the next Evanescence? Their album came out March 3, 2003. There has been plenty of time to find the next group just like them. You know the record labels are thinking about it. I put Evanescence in Google and it returned 2,100,000 results and I am sure that is a low number. Let me help you out, record labels. Take one part Staind. Add in some Linkin Park and a whole lot of Alanis Morrissette and you have yourself a non-religious Evanescence. You want something a bit heavier? Ok, lets take a bit of Cold, add in a spoonful of Limp Bizkit and a whole lot of Kittie and you have a harder version of Evanescence.
I know it is coming, I just haven’t figured out when or from where. Mark my words, this year will be the attack of the clones and Evanescence will be on the top of the list of bands that need to be cloned. As the sun rises and sets, the music industry is very predictable. It is this lack of creativity that will keep them fighting an up-hill battle for entertainment dollars in the market place.
It is always easiest to pick the low-hanging fruit, and the major labels do this frequently. I wonder what would happen if they were willing to climb the tree every now and then. What would happen to their suffering industry?
The Beautiful Mistake – This is Who You Are
The Beautiful Mistake have just released their new album, This is Who You Are. Really, we should be asking who they are. If you put their first two full-length releases side-by-side, it is a tale of two bands. Both albums are intense, and melodic, but their first, Light a Match For I Deserve to Burn, is decidedly heavier than the latest.
The last time that the band came through Cleveland, I had a chance to talk to lead singer Josh Hagquist and he talked a bit about the writing process for this new album. On their first album, he told me that a lot of people had lumped them in with a lot of the other scream/sing hybrid bands that came out during the same time period. He didn’t name any bands, but I assume he was talking about Thursday, Finch, The Used, etc. I am sure it was frustrating to be immediately written off as another band that is “copying Thursday.”
This time around, the band set out to make a record that was different than the first album while still being true to themselves and their influences. The result is This is Who You Are. Some fans will be turned off by the departure from the screaming, but overall, I think the band has created an album that is still melodic and intense. I am not sure if it lived up to the first record, Light a Match, but it is different enough that comparisons aren’t really necessary.
The band’s message this time around is a lot more celebratory and thankful. There is less of the self-loathing and anger that came through on Light a Match. The title track, which leads the album off opens very large and has an equally large chorus of, “We will fall, no longer this time.” Just in case you thought the band was going soft, they blast the greatest riff of their lives on “The Separation.” There are other highlights like “Wide-eyed and Wasted,” and “My Reminder,” but the album closer, “Cold Hands (For Dying Hearts)” is the one that will leave you wanting more.
(The Beautiful Mistake will be on the Van’s Warped Tour this summer, and they are currently touring smaller clubs with Emery.)
(This article first appeared on RockDummy.com)
