International Samaritans
For immediate release to the public:
Nike would like to announce the contract that we recently signed with 13-year-old soccer prospect Freddy Adu. The contract will be for a total of $1,000,000, and represents our confidence in Freddy’s skills, abilities and ultimate potential as an individual and a player. By choosing us, Freddy has also given us a vote of confidence as a representative company for athletes all over the world.
Johnson Swetshopian, executive VP of foreign relations, was elated with the signing on Tuesday. “We are so proud to be working with Freddy. We have a longstanding working relationship with many children of all ages throughout the world. The only regret we have is that we were not able to include a clause in the contract limiting the number of bathroom breaks Freddy is allowed to take during a workday. The ironic thing is that we will have third-world children much younger than he is stitching the shoes that he is going to wear.”
It’s another big victory for the marketing machine that is Nike. Also, we are in discussions with a two year old who is purportedly the next Babe Ruth with a wiffle-ball bat.
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